A Course of Love · ACOL

Holy Relationships Offer Harmony in Daily Life

“Despite your bravest attempts to remain separate, you must use your brothers and sisters in order to even maintain the illusion of your sepa¬ration. Would it not simply be better to end this charade? To admit that you were not created for separation but for union? To begin to let go of your fear of joining, and as you do let go of use as well?” (ACOL, C:9.49)

We are meant to be in union with all that exists, our brothers and sisters, our world, and God Himself. We have maintained our desire to be separate and autonomous, believing that this is what we want. But has it gotten us what we want? Haven’t we fallen into special relationships, constantly, even as we tried to maintain some apartness?

This apartness is surely what we have found in our special relationships, because we want others to be with us, but not too close. We are afraid of closeness, fearing that it will take something from us. And so we are engaged in a delicate dance of approach and avoidance of our special others. And this scenario makes drama for us. Indeed, we have become addicted to drama in our lives, and this is not the way to welcome peace and harmony.

We have used others in special relationships to ourselves. Used them for what they could give us that we thought that we lacked. Indeed, when we seek a special romantic relationship, we look for those things that are unique in the other, what that person has that we can steal to make ourselves more whole. We imagine that we are half a person, looking for our other half in a soul mate relationship that will offer solace to us and help us make our way in this dangerous world. When we seek to take from the other his/her very life essence, we are using that person for nefarious ends. We don’t feel right about it, really, but we don’t yet, many of us, know any other way to interact.

Let us be done with this charade now. Let us realize that independence, autonomy, is a myth for us. Why? We are not made to be alone. We are made to be living in holy relationship with our Self deep within, our brothers and sisters, even God Himself. This holy relationship, in which we do not seek to take any more than we seek to give, is where we will find solace. We will recognize that our holy relationships are our way home. We will be happier than ever before, as we give and receive as one.

The dynamic of special relationships turned holy is not something that can be taught. It is a matter of the heart, and love cannot be taught so that it becomes learned. But we can remove blocks to love’s awareness, and the first and most important is to recognize that we don’t like how we are living now. The high’s and low’s of special relationships preclude the harmony that will prevail when we have mastered the “holy” in holy relationships. Give it our all today, to love and be loved in return, and see if our independence doesn’t fall away quickly, and we experience a peace that is beyond anything previously encountered. We won’t be made dull or bored by this peace; it is the height of aliveness. And then we will know that we have truly found home at last.

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