“How often have you hidden thoughts and feelings because you ques¬tion whether they are legitimate thoughts and feelings? For some of you this answer has changed greatly over time. But for many of you, you have become less, rather than more forthcoming about your thoughts and feelings since taking this Course. You have done so out of a desire to be truthful, a desire to not express thoughts and feelings unworthy of your real Self. You may have increasingly denied thoughts and feelings you would judge as negative or bad.” (ACOL, T2:7.17)
If we have increasingly denied our real feelings, judging them to be bad, as we have read A Course of Love, then we are living a false persona, even with the best of intentions. We no longer want to vent our frustrations, our anger, with attack; we want to treat our brothers and sisters with whom we are in holy relationship, much better than that. But feelings of anger need an outlet, and if we have suppressed this feelings, they are not gone, but have merely gone underground—to emerge later, perhaps with more vehemence. If you feel anger, Jesus says elsewhere that we can ask that this be removed from us, and it will be. Of course, we have to believe that Jesus means what he says, that anger can be removed by a prayer. Of course, we have likely had many examples of answered prayers in the time since we started reading ACOL. And so we are less likely to be skeptical of what prayer can bring about.
Let us ask to have those negative feelings and thoughts removed from us. Let us ask today. It is enough to want a Self who is worthy of being a host to God. And we do have such a Self; it just has been overlaid with illusion for so long that we don’t entirely know what is truly within us, each of us.
Of course, we have previously gotten something out of venting anger, out of attacking our loved ones. We may recognize, of course, that this is not the better way to interact, but the drama has still called to us. It will be easier to fall in line with God’s removal of anger if we first recognize that we are leaving drama behind. We are happier without it. Our Zen-like feelings give us happy days. Why would we want to insert drama, simply because it is a familiar way to interact?
So: There is a solution. We may still not consistently choose this solution, this way of leaving behind anger and attack. But mistakes are not sins, and we can get back in line as soon as we realize that we have taken a false step. The way back to the straight and narrow is not difficult. And when we realize how much better we feel when we live in peace, we will have longer stretches of this peace in the present and future.
Living right is not hard. It is living wrong that makes for all of our problems, not because we are being punished, but because we are not living in true reality—the way that things are meant to be by a loving God.
May I do want I can to remove all desire—ever—to attack verbally or to live in anger. These things do not bode well for the life I want to lead, the person I want to be. Living in peace, with my negative feelings removed by prayer, is the better choice. May I choose that better choice now and for all time.
Be with me today as I seek to move into sunnier climes. The peace that You show me is evidence enough that Your way is best, that it is the only way to live peaceably in Your Kingdom. Thank You for the gentle way being shown to me, day in and day out. And thank You for being here for me, today and always.