The impetus for most romantic love, in the beginning at least, is that one sees in the other what she lacks within herself. The unholy alliance starts, then, from a wrong premise: that there is lack, and then goes on to a wrong conclusion, that one can “take” from the beloved what is lacking, making a whole out of two halves.
Even popular psychology recognizes that fallacy in such reasoning, but the reasoning itself does not see the light of day because its maker is “crazy in love.” Many popular treatises on romantic love enjoin that two halves do not make a whole, that one must be a whole person, seeking wholeness, to have anything akin to a lasting environment for love. Surely many successful loves look back on the beginning of their relationship as a time that grew fruitfully upon a happy present. The lovers were contented within themselves before finding love in another. Conversely, most people’s past is also strewn with the remains of wrecked relationships, of love gone wrong. For some, even for many in today’s climate, these relationships culminated in what promised to be an idyllic marriage, but turned out to be a little bit of hell on earth. All of these dynamics are addressed in A Course in Miracles’ view of the holy and the unholy relationship. (T-22.intro)
–from Out of the Maze, an e-book by the author of this blog.