If, as for most of us, the ego is debased before meeting a special “other,” another dyn\amic comes into play. The weakened ego is likely to see in the other her “ego ideal.” Only if this very special one can love me, will I be perceived in my own (ego) eyes as “worthy.” All of the other’s special qualities then become fodder for falling in “love.”
Such “love” always proceeds on part knowledge, and even this part, the Course would have us see, is not knowledge, but faulty perception. There seem to be many secrets in an egoistic love, though in the words of the A Course in Miracles, “God has no secrets. He does not lead you through a world of misery, waiting to tell you, at the journey’s end, why He did this to you.” (T-22.I.3:10-11)
In the unholy love, we are primarily aware of the differences between self and the other. But this can only be ego, because only the ego knows of differences. Under the skin, we are all the same. Only the “lonely and alone, who see their brothers different from themselves” (T- 22.intro.2:2) have need of sin. When we truly join with another, we know that we are just as capable of his mistakes as he is, as well as just as capable of the love that springs forth from him. Only when we call an error “sin” does it appear separate and apart from ourselves.
–from Out of the Maze, an e-book by the author of this blog.