My writing is informed by my employment in a library. At my job, I enjoy social interactions; they teach so much about how people respond in all sorts of ways. Not surprisingly, that’s also the greatest personal benefit I got from the study and teaching of literature, my first career.
All second-guessing and other vacillations aside, sometimes just not wanting to do something is sufficient reason not to do it.
And even if it flies in the face of one’s habitual pattern of decision-making. Maybe that pattern has always been flawed, even though that pattern served in another time and place.
This is a new day: “. . .rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalms 118:24 – KJV)
Sometimes timing is everything. I was once extremely ambivalent about taking a given job, but the moments in which I needed to act always seemed to arrive when I was in a positive attitude. I did take the job; it did have drawbacks; but that early contradictory work life made possible the smooth pathway on which I walk today.