Abdicate Not Your Own Needs

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“The extent to which you are willing to abdicate your needs in order to attain something is the extent to which your belief in want or lack is revealed. This is the purview of special relationships. (Treatises of A Course of Love: Treatise on the Nature of Unity and Its Recognition, 9.10)”

Affirmation: “If I have a true need, I will seek to satisfy it today.”


1 – Lacks

We do not really have lacks, though we think we do. And these perceived lacks in ourselves are what lead us directly to special relationships, the finding of other people who will fill the need in ourselves, will fill us up with their very nature and personality.

2 – Fallacious Thinking

All of this thinking is fallacious. We do not have needs that go unsatisfied, though we may think that we do. The solution is always with the problem (from A Course in Miracles), and we get an answer virtually immediately, when we still our minds and seek guidance. Our wants are not always satisfied, though, and we confuse wants with needs. In A Course of Love, Jesus indicates that our very wants may be fulfilled.

3 – Being Compliant

We think that we have to abdicate our needs to get people to love us. We think that we need to be very compliant in a relationship, to please the other at the cost of our own peace of mind, and to long for a joining that is unnatural. We are not meant to look to others for our fulfillment, though we do need others, in relationship, to lead us to salvation. This is the way of the brother’s relationship to us in ACIM.

4 – Holy Relationships

We need, as I have said repeatedly in this blog, to transform our special relationships into holy. This is a pivotal point in A Course in Miracles, and the idea is carried over in A Course of Love. When we have all holy relationships, we will not seek to “please” in order to curry favor. We will know that we are loved just as we are.

5 – Our Heartfelt Wish

And is this not what we have wished all along?


Dear Father/Mother,

I ask You for a good day, a day in which my holy relationships remain holy, and I do not seek to please in order to be loved. This desire to please is based in part on conditional love, and I would know unconditional love from Self and others. I must also give it, though. Giving and receiving are necessary in both directions.

May I be for my brothers and sisters what they need today, but not in an effort to please them, to be compliant so that they will love me. I have long sought to be somewhat passive, at times, in relationships, because I have been surrounded by strong personalities. But I would fulfill my needs in holy relationships, and for this I do not need to make excessive efforts to please.