Loving Our Brothers & Sisters in This World

“Heaven is the gift you owe your brother, the debt of gratitude you offer to the Son of God in thanks for what he is, and what his Father created him to be.”  (A Course in Miracles, FIP ed., T-19.IV.D.19)

A new idea, that we “owe” Heaven to our brother, because of what he is, because of what he means to us, because of the gratitude that we owe to him.  He is our way back to God.  We need never to forget this.  He is the means that A Course in Miracles is using to save us time on the road to Awakening.  When we forgive him for his mistakes, his errors, we are also forgiving ourselves, for there is no difference between him and us.  We are truly one in God.

God created our brother to be a Self, Christ within, and we need not to forget this.  When we are grateful to him, we find our way to express thanks for him being in our lives.  We know that without him, not only would we be lonely, but we would be lost in “sin,” actually mistakes.

When we see mirrored in another our own probably misdeeds, we know what we need to forgive not only in himself but in us.  We would be guilty of the same thing, if given half a chance.  All of us have fallen short.  But we are saved from judgment by refusing to judge him.  Our brother is the holy Son of God, the means of our Awakening.  We owe him only gratitude for what he has been, is being, and will be to us in the future.

Love in the Quiet Garden

“Love, too, would set a feast before you, on a table covered with a spotless cloth, set in a quiet garden where no sound but singing and a softly joyous whispering is ever heard.  This is a feast that honors your holy relationship, and at which everyone is welcomed as an honored guest.”  (A Course in Miracles, FIP ed., T-19.IV.A.16)

Lovely passage, melodic in its choice of words.  This quotation is meant to lighten our attitude toward the holy relationship.  The holy relationship, unlike the special, is a place of calm and quiet (note the “quiet garden”).  The special relationship has flights of joy, but these are always followed by times of dashed hopes; we climb upward, only to dash our feet on a stone on the ground.

Note of these vicissitudes are present in the calm and peaceful, and joyous always, holy relationship.  This is a relationship that is permeated, through and through, with love.  We don’t have to strain toward some sort of unnatural high; we are cocooned in an ocean of love that knows no bounds.

And, once we have achieved the holy relationship, we would never go back to the unholy, or special, again.  As we make one relationship holy, we would want to make all of our relationships with brothers holy.

And we can.  Just put our minds to it.  It is not hard.  Forgiveness is key, as always.

Holy vs. Special Relationships

“The holy relationship, a major step toward the perception of the real world, is learned.  It is the old, unholy relationship, transformed and seen anew.  The holy relationship is a phenomenal teaching accomplishment.”  (A Course in Miracles, FIP ed., T-17.V.2)

A holy relationship is a relationship with our brother that was once special.  Special relationships have a lot of pain; holy ones, never pain.  The holy relationship is the means that A Course in Miracles uses to save time for us in heading into salvation in its ultimate, Awakening.  We are not encouraged to spend long periods in contemplation, as some spiritual teaching suggest.  Jesus’s spiritual teaching now, in ACIM, is just to turn from egoic sight of one’s brother.  Let go of wanting to praise his physical appearance, his superficial personality, his income.  These physical attributes are not the real brother; your apprehension of his intangible qualities will open your vision to the holiness that can be yours.  Your brother, in short, will lead you home to God.

Jesus is teaching us in A Course in Miracles, and his encouragement of a holy relationship with our brother is the most important aspect of his explanation of how to reach Awakening.  We learn about the holy relationship in time, not immediately (normally).  Note that the special relationships that have brought us both joy and pain are not to be taken away from us prematurely.  We will gently transform the special.  And in the transformation will come our own release to the real world.  The real world dawns on our puzzled eyes just before Awakening comes.  The time is brief between the real world and Awakening, but we don’t know from ACIM what the “brief” really means.  Time means something more in eternity than we know.

So we do what we can to see the intangible, admirable qualities in our brother.  We know that his attacks are a call for help, a call for love, and we don’t hold his attacks against him.  We know that they are borne of insanity, and that they thrive in the illusion in which we find ourselves.

Only when we move into the real world will we move out of illusion into a perceptual Heaven.  Then our holy relationships will bless us as almost nothing else can.  We will be seeing God in our brother, and we will be seeing God in our Self.

There will be no further need to dwell on the superficialities of our brother’s personality.

Our Internal Love Is Most Important

“Loss of love comes from only one source.  Call it fear or call it separation but it is still the same.  For in your separated state you ask that love make you special to someone else, and that one special to you.  You think this is what love is for, and so you make of it something it is not and only call it love.”  (C:14.22)

“If you do not believe you can reverse or ‘turn back’ to the state in which you existed before the original error, then you never shall.”  (A Course of Love, C:17.12)

Within the separation, the illusory separation from God that hasn’t actually happened, it is impossible for us to be contented aside from special relationships.  And, of course, these do not content us long, for we ask both too much and too little of them.  Special relationships are fraught with fear.  We fear being alone again, that this special one will love less (or leave), or that we (even though together still) do not love equally.

These concepts are all meaningless to a holy relationship, which seeks never to take, but always to give—though we know that giving and receiving are one in love.  We will be contented when we give up the idea of having special relationships.  Not that these relationships will be snatched away from us—no, never—but that we will never be happy on a continual basis until we have transformed our loves into holy loves.

Fear then will slip away.  We know that if we lose one form of love, another will take its place.  While we do not try to substitute loves for one another, we do recognize that it is our internal love that is most important.  And this means that all Selves are One, all loves are One.  Fear has no basis for gaining a foothold when ideas such as this are given sway in a life.

Transformation

There are many lesser conditions that are nonetheless extremely transformative, such as the replacement of special relationship with the devotion of holy relationship that we have already spoken of.  (A Course of Love, D:Day7.12)

Here we see that the turning over of special relationships to oblivion does, in fact, constitute a tremendous transformation when the replacement is made by a holy relationship.  We feel contented and safe, something that special relationships could never give us.  We know, in our bones, that this one—this holy relationship—will continue eternally, if not in physical form then in ethereal.  Even if the relationship should end, we would know that it wasn’t a real ending.  In A Course in Miracles, Jesus says that all who meet will meet again.  And we can understand that this is on the Other Side, or, if we believe in reincarnation, then in another life.  This can give us some of that content that we long to have, for we long for permanence in a changing world.  Eternity gives us that permanence.

If we long to be content in this world, what are our options?  We must indeed turn over everything that has disturbed ongoing content.  And special relationships are at the top of the list.  We know this intuitively, though we may still think, with our superficial mind, that specialness gives us something that we want.

It doesn’t.  Specialness only disturbs our peace.  And it is peace that augurs content.

Be glad to transform all relationships to holiness.  We will never regret this action of the will.  When it is done, completed and finished, we will know that we belong to everybody, and that this connection takes nothing from the significant others with whom we share this lifetime.

Holiness

The holy relationship has been accomplished by the joining of the mind and heart in unity.  The holy relationship is with the Self, the Self that abides in unity with all within the house of truth.  This relationship makes the Self one with all and so brings the holiness of the Self to all.  (A Course of Love, T3:15.10)

The first and most important relationship is with the Self–the inner Christ Self–and God Himself (called the Self in Its largest dimensions).  When this relationship is formed anew and aright, it changes everything.  Our heart and mind are melded into one, and this one is the same One with Whom we are merged in the Godhead Himself/Herself.  With this joining of heart and mind, we are primed to have all good things to come to us.  We are, at last, on the right track, “separate” from God no longer, even in illusion.  And we are not in illusion any longer, but the supreme reality, true reality, a reality that does not fade with each passing day.

When mind and heart are joined, I feel a warmth that is not of this world.  I once was accosted at night by a stranger who did not mean me well.  Just before he touched me, I felt a Warmth that gave me a tremendous sense of safety and God-given care.  And this sense carried me through the experience without any trauma.  I ran and I screamed, and he fled.  My voice and God’s grace had saved me.  In that moment, with the warm feeling, I was in unity of mind and heart with that warmth, though this was years before A Course of Love was channeled.  I only knew that God had been very, very close to me in that moment.

How do we invite the melding of heart and mind?  We get quiet, we invite warmth, we invite God.  If we open ourselves to God’s grace, He will descend upon us, prompting us to join mind and heart into a Unity that will solve all problems, release all neuroses, give us a new lease on life.

Be quiet today, just for a moment.  A moment is all that it takes to allow God to speak to us in the Unity in which He abides.

The New Beginning

The new beginning you are called to now is a new beginning that, like all others that you have offered or attempted, will take place in relationship.  The difference is that this new beginning will take place in holy rather than special relationship.  (A Course of Love, T3:15.9)

We have arrived at a good place now.  We are beginning anew, as we have in the past, but with a difference.  Our new beginning will no longer be housed in special relationships that only promised us the good but did not deliver consistently.  Our new beginning, this time, will come in the warmth of holy relationships.  We have found the elixir, and we will not turn back from its bounty now.

How do we know that we are surrounded by holy relationships?  We are not out for #1 anymore, at least not exclusively.  We love others as we love ourselves, for giving and receiving love is one.  We know that when we reach out, our reach will be met by reciprocation, for holiness invites holiness.  If our reach finds an individual who is as yet only capable of special relationship, we will not be inclined in that direction, because we will know better.  Our reach goes out to holiness, and holiness is returned to us.  There is no better way to live life.

What about rejection?   I have known rejection in my life, but only in relationship that was “special,” in that my ego was attempting to establish a basis for continuing contact that was not the best for either of us.  Of course, I did not know this at the time, and the episode was very painful, frustrating, and humiliating.

Now I know better.  Holy relationship does not hurt.  Its joy is reciprocated, for we know intuitively what relationship to pursue, and which to turn aside.  Our guidance does what it is intended to do:  It guides.  And in the guidance comes a new life of happiness and smooth sailing as well.  We walk a pathway that has no stones that invite tripping ourselves up.  We walk a smooth pathway.

Just as when we pursued special relationships, our new beginnings now are embedded in our relationships.  But what a difference the holy makes!  It is simply all the difference in the world.  We blossom under the tutelage of holy relationships.  And there is never any temptation to return to the special relationship that got away.  This is the advantage in turning to prayer for prompting as to what to do.  Prayer does direct relationships for the good of all involved.

Holiness in relationships allows new beginnings with a flair that we have heretofore not enjoyed.  Our happiness has wings. 

And we know that what God has ordained in relationship, holy relationship, will come to pass.

Teach Only Love

“Ultimately, it is not so much about going anywhere, as much as it is about abiding within, realizing that this world is unreal, this world is harmless.  And in any situation, it is you with all power under Heaven and Earth to teach only love.”  (“The Way of Transformation,” The Way of Mastery, Chapter 17, Page 215)

The Way of Mastery is echoing A Course in Miracles when Jesus here says to “teach only love.”  That IS what we are about, and until we accept this mission, we will fret and stew and live a life that is below what we could aspire to.

How do we teach only love?  This quotation also has this answer:  We go within.  God is within, and He will teach us what we need to do to live good lives, lives suffused with His blessings, lives that do Him justice.  Going within offers us a nurturance that our relationships cannot offer, at least not all the time and in all ways. 

We have depended on our relationships, especially our special relationships, to take care of us emotionally.  The only way that succeeds all the time is to turn to our Maker, Who supports us with an everlasting support.  When we turn within, we sense love, and when we sense love from God, we are in a position to offer that love to others.  It is necessary first to receive from God, and then to offer, to give.

This is the way that we teach only love. 

God has much to teach us.  Commune with our depths today, and see what today’s message from Him might turn out to be.

Holding Our Breath

Holding on to what you think will meet your needs is like holding your breath.  Your breath cannot long be held.  It is only through the inhaling and exhaling, the give and take of breathing that you live.  Each time you are tempted to think that your needs can only be met in special ways by special relationships, remember this example of holding your breath.  Think in such a way no longer than you can comfortably hold your breath.  Release your breath and release this fear and move from special to holy relationship.  (A Course of Love, T1:9.17)

We have been trying to hold our breath for eons, hoping against hope that what one special relationship did not give us ultimately can be met by yet another.  Our special relationships all fail us eventually.  Love turns to hate, and we know not what we did wrong.  Always we blame the other person for not living up to the unwritten agreement to be there for us anytime, anywhere.  We feel betrayed.

This is a script that has been played out in our various dramas for far too long.  The only true assurance that we can have from another comes when we have let our special relationship to that person blossom into a holy relationship.  Now we know in our bones that this person will never let us down, that love will stay love and not fall into alienation and even hate.  We are holding our breath no longer.  We know that the safety that we long to have in a human being can be counted upon.  We are safe, finally, and we know it to be true.

This is what happens in long-term marriages that stay fresh.  We discover how to mesh our needs and wants with those of another whom we love unconditionally, come what may.  We know that if our marriage should end, the love will not; the love is eternal now, and we have this assurance as we live out our time on earth.  This world can touch this blessing not.  We are living our dream of eternal love, and it is our brother or sister, our partner in life, who makes the living out of our lives truly meaningful.  He or she is our way back to God, a holy relationship that promises all things, and keep those promises.  Our forgiveness even becomes meaningless, for we recognize that there is nothing we need forgive.  The significant other is significant only in that we live in close proximity; we don’t look to the other for outrageous answers.  We live and let live, in the holiness which God intends for us.

All of us have seen this love, but perhaps fleetingly.  We want it for ourselves.  And we can have it when we give up thinking that specialness is our due.  Holiness is our due.  And with our inheritance as favored children of God, all of us are favored in a holiness that does not play favorites.

Joy Calls

The universe exists in reciprocal relationship or holy relationship, rather than special relationship.  This is the nature of existence, as unity is the nature of existence and cannot be changed and has not changed, although you believe it not.  It is a joyful relationship, as the nature of relationship is joy.  Once you have given up your belief in separation this will be known to you.  (A Course of Love, C:29.17)

Once we give up our belief that we could actually separate from God, and have done so, much good will result.  We will know that holy relationship is the nature of the universe(s), and we will realize that holy relationship does not take anything away from our nearest and dearest.  Holy relationship will expand our love to meet the whole world.  We will not know the separatism that has characterized our various special relationships, relationships that have often ended badly.

My friend Carol knew what it is like to suffer special relationship, and “suffer” is the salient word here.  As mentioned, she once fell very hard into a love that was strong on ego, though she did not realize it at the time.  If the special love had ever been transformed into holy, then her sense of desolation at the end of the “relationship” would have saved her from needless regret. 

There was something eminently good about the love that Carol felt.  It was not a love that would be easily surpassed.  That was the clue that something else was going on here.  She was being led, ever so gently and before A Course in Miracles was published, to give up her interest in being special (and having someone else be special as well).  In retrospect, holiness is the transforming key to relationship that goes sour.  And there doesn’t have to be any continuing contact with the other at all to effect a holy relationship.  Relationship that is holy is thus seen to be mystical.

We are meant to enjoy joyousness is our relationships.  Special love invites the highs and lows of drama, and egoic drama at that.  A holy relationship is one that has been dedicated to the Almighty, a Source beyond just our little personality.  And this dedication to Something bigger than ourselves is what makes all the difference.

When we feel united with all other people, our brothers and sisters, we know a peace that is not of this world.  We are meant to live in unity, and of course, we can see that seeing one small part as more special that another would make this joyous unity impossible. Ask to see with a greater vision today.  Ask to comprehend as never before what a special love transformed into a holy one can really mean.  There is no comparison, but until each of us has seen the difference for ourselves, we will remain skeptical that we aren’t losing something in the transformation.

Jesus & Mary

“[T]hroughout the history of humanity I have manifested as a self separated into two realities, that of Jesus and Mary.”  Choose Only Love bk.3, 8:II

Edgar Cayce, perhaps speaking metaphorically, said that Jesus and Mary started out as Adam and Eve.  We can’t know what this means, though we know that Adam and Eve represent the advent of human beings on earth.

Here Jesus is raising the feminine to new heights.  We have lived so long in a masculinely oriented world.  But the feminine has great value, and recently channeled writings—A Course of Love, Choose Only Love, Mirari—have said much about greater leadership, leadership of being as opposed to doing, coming from women.

We would all hope for a soulmate relationship such as Jesus enjoys with Mary.  Perhaps we all have such a relationship, if not here on earth, then waiting for us on the Other Side.

Let our minds play with the benefits that a feminine concept can give.  For one thing, feelings are often transcendent in a woman, feelings rather than the thinking of the mind. 

See what that idea can do for us today.

Walking a Mysterious Pathway

            Given the fact that the A Course in Miracles links the idea of our unique role with our brother, more often than not we will find that unique role in one or more brothers.  And we must realize that we may not always recognize our function even if we are in the midst of carrying it out. 

In my own case, this phenomenon kept me on a particular pathway for years, but I was a reluctant walker. Only in retrospect did the pathway seem illuminated, the walk make sense.  Yet I never seriously considered abandoning my pathway; whenever the thought came up, I was given a self-authenticating word from God that I was to remain true to what I had perceived His Will to be.  And I yet do not know the whole of it, though I followed that particular pathway to its conclusion and found a blessing, in unexpected form, at the journey’s end.  It is very likely that I will not fully understand in this lifetime, but as I review my life eventually from the other side, I will know.  For now, I know all I need to know of a journey that seemed incomprehensible much of the time.       

            And is my experience not true for most of us?  We see only dimly, but when we take our brother’s hand, we fulfill a function that is bigger than the two of us.  It is always by way of our brother that the mission comes.  One does not do “great things” in the world without the cooperation of first one, and then another, and another, brother.  Salvation is still borne one mind at a time, and so it behooves us to place our interpersonal relationships next to God in value.  Indeed, it is frequently in our brother only that we are able to see and love God.

–from Out of the Maze, an e-book by the author of this blog.

Special Becomes Holy

            We seek this Oneness because the call for it was placed in our souls by God.  Jesus even tells us that Heaven is the awareness of perfect Oneness, “nothing outside this oneness, and nothing else within.” (T-18.VI.1:6) Because we are learning through the A Course in Miracles, we find this Oneness first through our relationships, in particular the chosen learning partner(s) who offer us unlimited ways to learn of love.  These are the ones for whom we are ready, the ones to whom we remain connected lifelong.  And these relationships generally are few. (M-3.5:3) The Course says that we may not even recognize the perfect matching that has occurred in these relationships.  But the perfect lesson, the lesson of genuine love of ourselves, others, and God, is there for us if we do not break off the relationship prematurely.  This then is the special relationship that can become holy, indeed that is meant to become holy.

            And forgiveness points the way.

Genuine Oneness

            We are not really meant to be separate one from another, encased in bodies that are separate.  In the worldview of A Course in Miracles, bodies are the symbol of separation.  Only mind can actually become one.  And this melding can and does occur, though we are fearful of losing our individualized identities.  We actually do want our minds to join as one, and this is the closeness that one normally seeks in physical relationships.  These alone will not satisfy us, because we want a true intimacy that is mind to mind. We seek this intimacy in our special relationships.  But these are hard going without forgiveness of one another, the aspect of Reality that would allow genuine closeness.  If we do not forgive, we are going to become embittered or we are going to wander from relationship to relationship, one to the other, seeking something that cannot be found.  This is the crux of the matter.  Forgive, and the boon we desire is ours.  Refuse to forgive, and we are captives of the ego, which can never give us what we desire–true genuine Oneness.

–from Out of the Maze, an e-book by the author of this blog. Note: The worldview of A Course of Love says that the “elevated Self of form” will be a desirable way to live in this world in physical bodies.

Love & Hate

            In much romantic love, the picture of our brother that we see is one of contradictions.  We both love and hate him, and the two concepts effectively cancel each other out.  So we are left with nothing.  We do not know whom we see in our brother any more than we know whom we see in ourselves.  A Course in Miracles counsels that we will be given a picture to replace what we thought, an image of our brother that we will prefer over all our contradictory images.  Even this is not all of him, for it is a perception, and it remains for perception to be translated into knowledge before we will ever see our brother truly.  This final step remains in the future for all of us, because it is our translation into Heaven, a step taken at the end of our pathway by God himself.

Romantic Love

            The impetus for most romantic love, in the beginning at least, is that one sees in the other what she lacks within herself.  The unholy alliance starts, then, from a wrong premise: that there is lack, and then goes on to a wrong conclusion, that one can “take” from the beloved what is lacking, making a whole out of two halves.

            Even popular psychology recognizes that fallacy in such reasoning, but the reasoning itself does not see the light of day because its maker is “crazy in love.”  Many popular treatises on romantic love enjoin that two halves do not make a whole, that one must be a whole person, seeking wholeness, to have anything akin to a lasting environment for love.  Surely many successful loves look back on the beginning of their relationship as a time that grew fruitfully upon a happy present.  The lovers were contented within themselves before finding love in another.  Conversely, most people’s past is also strewn with the remains of wrecked relationships, of love gone wrong.  For some, even for many in today’s climate, these relationships culminated in what promised to be an idyllic marriage, but turned out to be a little bit of hell on earth.  All of these dynamics are addressed in A Course in Miracles’ view of the holy and the unholy relationship. (T-22.intro)

–from Out of the Maze, an e-book by the author of this blog.

Spiritual Gifts of God

            The particular way that A Course in Miracles offers restitution and reunion with God is through our relationships to each other, especially through the relationships that have been special to us.  Specialness is an illusion like all the rest, and it is only as we realize that we ourselves are not special that we can come to see that even our “special” relationships are not special.

            The Holy Spirit transforms these people so special to us into something more real.  The purpose of the relationship is transformed from ego orientation to the spiritual gifts of God. We see in our brother what we want to see in ourselves; that is what we begin wanting when we perceive specialness in another.  But as the relationship proceeds (if we do not choose to break it

off), we come to see that even this interpretation is a mirage. As we see and love these people as they really are, we come to forgive them of their ego foibles, and we love almost in spite of ourselves.  That is when we begin finding our way Home.

–from Out of the Maze, an e-book by the author of this blog.

Light in Our Brother

            We find a peaceful joy in forgiveness.  As we absolve our brother of “sin,” we are ourselves absolved.  The gift we long to give to our brother has at long last been given to us.  We idolized our brother, and thereby made of him a god, but in doing so we dreamed that we were special.  When we see our brother aright, an idol no longer but a true equal brother worthy of love, our sense of guilt dissolves and we are placed in our proper relationship to God and to each other.  Such is the miracle that the A Course in Miracles promises.

            The Course can be said to be based in part upon the biblical injunction, “You are your brother’s keeper,” because it is through our relationship one to another that we find salvation.  It is declared that failing our function of fully forgiving our brother will haunt us until this function is fulfilled, and he and we are risen from the past.  Just as our brother condemned not himself alone, so do we not save ourselves alone.  We are here on this plane, indeed, for one purpose only–the healing of our brother.  That is why, in trying to discover meaning in the world, the interactions of person to person are everything.  Until we see our purpose as healing, we will follow the various elusive goals of the world, be they artistic or merely achievement that we might be “successes,” and we will know the ways of the world only.  Pain and turmoil will dog our paths, and we will learn by cause-and-effect, not Jesus’ way, which is actually by grace.

            And, yet, the lamentations of the earth are all so unnecessary.  Jesus in fact proclaims succinctly that we do not have to learn through pain. (T-21.I.3:1)  Such welcome news, but, oh, so unbelievable in the beginning!  We are enjoined to see our brother as sinless, a person who has committed no unpardonable “sins,” but only an individual making mistakes due to his madness.  Once this evaluation is firmly adopted, the whole earth will appear different, bright and sparkling in the sunlight.  We are warned, though, “not one sin you see in him but keeps you both in hell.” (T-24.VI.5:4) One must see holiness in a brother in spite of his mistakes.  His mistakes can cause delay, but in a miraculous sense, it is given us to overcome his mistakes for him, and at the same time for ourselves as well, for he is the mirror of ourselves. 

Joy Calls

The universe exists in reciprocal relationship or holy relationship. . . .It is a joyful relationship, as the nature of relationship is joy. Once you have given up your belief in separation this will be known to you. (ACOL, C:29.17)

Once we give up our belief that we could actually separate from God, and have done so, much good will result. We will know that holy relationship is the nature of the universe(s), and we will realize that holy relationship does not take anything away from our nearest and dearest. Holy relationship will expand our love to meet the whole world. We will not know the separatism that has characterized our various special relationships, relationships that have often ended badly.

My friend Carol knew what it is like to suffer special relationship, and “suffer” is the salient word here. As mentioned, she once fell very hard into a love that was strong on ego, though she did not realize it at the time. If the special love had ever been transformed into holy, then her sense of desolation at the end of the “relationship” would have saved her from needless regret.

There was something eminently good about the love that Carol felt. It was not a love that would be easily surpassed. That was the clue that something else was going on here. She was being led, ever so gently and before A Course in Miracles was published, to give up her interest in being special (and having someone else be special as well). In retrospect, holiness is the transforming key to relationship that goes sour. And there doesn’t have to be any continuing contact with the other at all to effect a holy relationship. Relationship that is holy is thus seen to be mystical.

We are meant to enjoy joyousness is our relationships. Special love invites the highs and lows of drama, and egoic drama at that. A holy relationship is one that has been dedicated to the Almighty, a Source beyond just our little personality. And this dedication to Something bigger than ourselves is what makes all the difference.

When we feel united with all other people, our brothers and sisters, we know a peace that is not of this world. We are meant to live in unity, and of course, we can see that seeing one small part as more special that another would make this joyous unity impossible.

Ask to see with a greater vision today. Ask to comprehend as never before what a special love transformed into a holy one can really mean. There is no comparison, but until each of us has seen the difference for ourselves, we will remain skeptical that we aren’t losing something in the transformation.

True Love Is Limitless, Knows Only Inclusion

While one special relationship continues, all special relationships continue because they are given validity. The holy relationship of unity depends on the release of the beliefs that foster special relationships. (ACOL, C:25.11)

We don’t need special relationships, “special” in the sense that they are egoic and different from all other relationships out there in the world.

Of course, we don’t believe this. We think that there is nothing wrong with seeing our significant others, our family and friends, as “special.” But what are we really saying here? We are setting them apart as being more “worthy” of our love than other people. Is this not judgment? And haven’t we been warned not to judge? Judging keeps us from Christ-consciousness. Moreover, judging makes us unhappy, for when we point a finger at another, three fingers are pointed back at us. We damn ourselves when we judge another.

I was once rather judgmental, and I projected these ideas onto Jesus, seeing him as a figure of judgment. Indeed, traditional Christian theology invites this interpretation. When I visited the Baptistry in Florence, Italy, where a large mosaic of Jesus looms far ahead on the high ceiling, I saw judgment in Jesus’ eyes. Or thought I did. After years of studying A Course in Miracles, though, my judgments had softened, and when I looked overhead on another visit, I saw a blank slate in Jesus’ eyes, ready and willing for me to write my projection there.

There was no judgment in the second visit. And so there was no “specialness,” even in regarding Jesus. And this was a giant leap forward.

We are seeking to be united with all of our brothers and sisters on our earth. We want unity with them, and we can’t have that if we divide others up into separate little parcels. We can’t fully appreciate all others if we are judging them as less worthy of our love than our nearest and dearest.

Of course, our nearest and dearest have taught us how to love. And now we extend (not project) this love on everyone.

We don’t make distinctions between worthiness and lack of worthiness. We know that all are equal in the sight of God, and that all ought to be equal in our sight as well. Our beloveds will not lose anything. We will be so love-conscious that they will see a new persona in us. They will know a love from us that has been heretofore veiled.

Specialness is a limited love. Holy love is limitless, knows only inclusion.

Being “Special”

Note: I’m starting a new series on relationships today.

“The special relationships of the world are destructive, selfish and childishly egocentric. Yet, if given to the Holy Spirit, these relationships can become the holiest things on earth—the miracles that point the way to the return to Heaven. The world uses its special relationships as a final weapon of exclusion and a demonstration of separateness. The Holy Spirit transforms them into perfect lessons in forgiveness and in awakening from the dream. Each one is an opportunity to let perceptions be healed and errors corrected. Each one is another chance to forgive oneself by forgiving the other. And each one becomes still another invitation to the Holy Spirit and to the remembrance of God. (ACIM, Preface, “What It Says”)

We are used to thinking that finding our beloved “special” is a good thing. For those of us (many of us) who have studied A Course in Miracles, we know that finding loved ones “special” is a mistake. A Course of Love agrees, and so we start these reflections with this quotation from ACIM.

Of course, we care about our significant others more than strangers. And so the teaching may seem foreign to us.

What makes the “special” a good thing is not specialness but holiness. And all of us have the power to turn all of our special relationships into holy ones. We don’t exclude anyone; we invite all in (though not in a physical or sexual sense).
Special relationships are, by nature, egoic. My friend Carol once had a very special male relationship that was platonic but very egoic. She thought that this man had all the qualities that she was seeking in another. But specialness abounded. As time proved, she actually wanted his personal qualities in herself, something that epitomizes ego.

We can and must seek to transform all of our special relationships into holy ones. And, as hard as it sounds, we need to stop believing that without the special, we will be bereft. Use of others, A Course of Love tells us, is wrong. And there is a bit of “use” in many of our relationships. Who will take care of us if not this special other? How will we manage?

These are very real concerns, very practical concerns. But we have power. And, if we believe ACIM and ACOL, we will find love wherever we turn, when our heart opens to reveal the love that is hidden there.

We will never lack for anything. Help is a call away. And everything, as both ACIM and ACOL say, is an expression of love or a call for love. Call today, and so if we are not answered. Our heart will know the answer.

Only Two Emotions

“You label love a feeling, and one of many. Yet you have been told there are but two from which you choose: love and fear. Because you have chosen fear so many times and labeled it so many things you no longer recognize it as fear. The same is true of love.” (ACOL, C:2.3)

We have been pretty mixed up. We have, all too often, confused fear with love, labeling them both two of many other feelings. But we learn from Jesus that there are only two emotions—love and fear—and that all other emotions are variants of these two.

This simplifies life for us. But how do we move away from fear, toward love?
We need help, and it is help that Jesus is giving us. We have confused fear and love, often making choices that gave us fear when we were seeking to experience love.

This dynamic is especially true in special relationships, those relationships in our lives in which certain other people are emblazoned, by our ego, with qualities that seem to set these people apart from all others. This is especially the case with romantic relationships, which nearly always start out as special. We think that he or she is the best thing that we have ever encountered, and we want to appropriate these good qualities to ourselves. We complete in the presence of the other. We feel joyous. And we feel a sense of grandeur that is perhaps as yet unparalleled in our experience in this world.

But such thoughts are actually a grandiosity. And these feelings do not last. Our special person is found to have feet of clay, and we fall away disillusioned—sometimes almost immediately, sometimes years later. And then we often turn away, for we feel that we have somehow been misled. We misconceived what was before. He/she was not “special” at all.

But that other really was special. The problem is that we didn’t realize that we needed to turn the special into the holy, something that Jesus counsels us about. Ultimately, he tells us that none of us is special, or, conversely, all of us are—for we are no different one from the other. (Only in time do we differ, and time does not really exist; we live in eternity only.) We need to make an end, as A Course of Love counsels, to the whole idea of special relationships. They will never bring us what we want. And in turning from the special to the holy, we will finally know genuine love for the first time.

The special relationship fosters fear, for we sense that we “need” this other person for our completion. And we fear, rightly, that he/she may not always be there for us.

Relationships are the primary way that we confuse fear and love. A particularly poignant way that actually holds great promise for us. But only when we take away the fearful aspects of our relationship to another. And it is hard indeed to do that, when we are new to Jesus’s channeled teachings.

A Course of Love counsels us that we must indeed give up special relationships, but also that we will not really lose anything—for special relationships are nothing, being borne of fear. We will transform these relationships with particular others into a holy experience, and then we will know true love for what it is.

We have not heretofore recognized that fear is predominant in many of our relationships. We have had our eyes blinded. But now we can come to know. We recognize that feeling uncertain in relationships fosters fear only, not love. And we want love, the real thing.

And we can have love.

Parting in Relationships

If a twinge of sadness arises because you recognize that two bodies in space are now going to go to separate parts of the planet, as that twinge arises, you will recognize it as the effect of a mistaken perception. You will move within, to the place in which all minds are joined. You will remember that your fulfillment does not rest in gaining love from another, but in giving Love to everyone. (“The Way of the Heart,” WOM, Lesson 6, Page 77)

Parting from significant others is painful. But there is a way that we accept whatever comes. There is a way that we can wish these significant others godspeed, and send them along their way. How might that be?

We need to know that we don’t gain love from others. We gain love from deep within ourselves, where God dwells. This is truly all we need to know, but perhaps we don’t understand what it means. Our fulfillment comes from giving love, for we have first received it from God Himself. If the person or persons to whom we give our love changes, we need to realize that the change happened for a reason. Often it is because our vibration changed. We were no longer on the same wavelength as the significant other.

Knowing this takes acceptance. We don’t easily give up the ones we have loved. But sometimes life asks this of us, and when we acquiesce, we listen to God’s guidance, and we are satisfied. We know that there is a larger plan at work.

Ask to see that larger plan today. Shrouded in mystery, we often have to turn to our faith to be reassured. But glimpses of reasons will come to us, for God does not keep secrets from His children. It is only our finiteness that prevents, sometimes, the whole truth from dawning on our minds.

Mysteries

The world would teach you to be a doormat so that you fit in and do not ruffle anybody’s feathers. But as you become empowered, one way you will know that it is occurring is that some people will not like you. You will push their buttons just by walking into the room, for darkness abhors light. It is that simple. (“The Way of the Heart,” WOM, Lesson 5, Page 66)

If we find ourselves rejected by the world, or even by a few individuals in our world, let us rest easy. There is a bigger reason for this. It may, of course, be our fault, and we can ask to have this remedied by God. But it may be that we, by just who we are, are pushing others’ buttons. And that is not our fault.

What a revealing group of statements by Jesus! I had thought that if people didn’t like me, it was just bad karma. Something had happened in a past I could not remember that was affecting relationships today.

And this may be the case. This may be the case when we push others’ buttons. Their souls are remembering when maybe we did them wrong, and they turn from us as a reaction from further hurt.

We do the same. We may find ourselves unaccountably nervous around certain people, and we do or say things that hinders the good relationship. We may be remembering when that person was not good for us. And maybe that person is not good for us now.

There are mysteries in the world that surrounds us. Let us put the best face that we can on this world.

And then let it go.

Choosing Our Mate

“The sex impulse is a miracle impulse when it is in proper focus. One individual sees in another the right partner for propagating the species and also for their joint establishment of a creative home. This does not involve fantasy at all. If I am asked to participate in the decision, the decision will be a right one, too.” (ACIM, COA ed., T-1.48.9:3-6)

How many of us might be inclined to have enough of a personal relationship to the Jesus of A Course in Miracles that we would invite him into our selection of a mate? Maybe we didn’t know that this were possible. According to ACIM, Jesus makes himself available to us for all manner of ordinary decisions, and marriage is certainly one of the most important. Jesus wants us to make right decisions about marriage, forming a holy relationship, not special. If fantasies predominate, he implies here, the choice is for a special relationship. And special relationships do not have the staying power of holy ones.

Our holy relationships do not oscillate between highs and lows, drama and controversy. Our special relationships are akin to a fast track to nowhere, because the one in whom we had placed such faith tends to have feet of clay. Our special relationships divide; our holy make one. It is imperative that we move forward into creating a new world peopled with the holy. We will not have peace in the special, but only in the holy. And isn’t peace an overriding desire of us all?

We find our greatest challenges in our relationships. Here we are given an option: From Jesus, “get my advice.” Of course, we don’t know how he can be in so many foci of consciousness all at once. And perhaps, he can’t, that he was speaking just to Helen and Bill when he offered all manner of help. But I think not.

There are more wonders in heaven and earth than we have dreamt of. Jesus’s help for us is a responsibility he assumed eons ago as the leader of souls coming to earth to rescue the trapped (an Edgar Cayce assertion). He has not wavered in his commitment. Can we say the same? I think not. But the future can use Jesus’s example as our way to be faithful to the God we worship.

Live and Let Live

“Fantasies and projection are more closely associated, because both attempt to control external reality according to false internal needs. ‘Live and let live’ happens to be a very meaningful injunction.” (ACIM, COA ed., T-1.48.7:4-5)

When we see something “out there” that we want but seemingly can’t have, then we are likely to indulge in fantasies that will make it ours, or (more likely) we imagine that it really IS ours by way of projection. In projection, we imagine that what we perceive internally is sent to another, “projected,” and that out there the truth is the same as our internal, fantasied “reality.”

It is unlikely that Jesus would have said so much in psychological terms if Helen and Bill, co-scribes, had not been psychologists who knew well the connotations of what Jesus was saying. Jesus returns to our understanding, a lay understanding, when he says, “Live and let live.” In other words, we must choose a better way than fantasy and projection to make our reality. We must live our real truth, and allow our brother to live his. We must live (ourselves) and let live (our brother). We must reject the notion that we can alter circumstances to suit our fancy. We come very close to the insanity that Jesus says we all have in the madness of this world. Here he uses psychological terms that will illustrate for us just how close to the world’s evaluation of madness we could come—if we are not careful.

So: Let our brother, who is our savior, meant to be in holy relationship to us, walk his own way. We each have truly holy relationships that do not evolve into intimate terms in this world.

Our Relationships Will Save Us

“The difference between you and me is that I am being God and also love, being. This is why I am all and nothing, the attribute-laden God and the attributeless love. This is why it can be rightly said that God is Love and Love is God. But I am also an extension of love, just as you are. This is all I Am means. There is no I Am except through love’s extension. How does love extend? Through relationship.” (ACOL, D:40.14)

Jesus has walked the whole distance. And from that focal point, he knows of the Godhead in a way that we don’t. He holds nothing, though, that we cannot attain. He will point out the way to us, has done so in A Course in Miracles and A Course of Love (and other channeled works such as The Way of Mastery), and his way works. If we want to fulfill our potential, we would be well-advised to listen carefully to what he has been saying.

Love in God has extended to us; extension rather than projection, and there is a subtle difference in this. Projection made images in a foggy glass, illusions. Extension creates (doesn’t “make”) true reality, and is not true reality what we really want? This extension comes to us in our relationships, our relationship to the inner Christ-Self, to the larger Self Who is the Godhead Himself/Herself, and to our brothers and sisters in this world. In this world, these three constitute our reality, and in the extension of God’s doing, we dwell in mystical awareness of Him.

Our relationships will save us. Our relationships will enmesh us in true love, holy love, no longer special love. And this makes all the difference.

Turn to our relationships today. See if we don’t make a more joyous day out of the pleasures of company, our own, our God’s, and others—brothers and sisters–in our circle.

Relationship, holy relationship, is the Answer. And is there really anything missing when we have that?

Dear God,

Your Consciousness envelops all. I feel warmth and acceptance in Your love. I pray for this for everyone else also. I need no longer worry that I don’t measure up. I am created in Your image, and I accept the limitations that are mine in a finite world. But I reach in mystical fashion toward something grander. And with intuition, Your way becomes clear.

Don’t let me mislead myself. I long for honesty in my life, honesty that sees clearly with vision that is not of physical sight.

I would see with clear vision today. Thank You for enabling this.

Amen.

Relationships Have Present Moment Meaning

“In keeping with your new self-centered focus on what life has had to teach you, you have also seen your relationships as teachers. It is here that you can begin to learn to let go of learning because it is here that learning has been least practiced through the means of studying.

“Relationship happens in the present moment. Studying takes up resi¬dence within the student; there to be mulled over, committed to memory, integrated into new behaviors. Relationship recognizes that love is the greatest teacher. Studying places the power of the teacher in a place other than that of love. Relationship happens as it happens. Studying is about future outcome. What happens in relationship has present moment meaning. What is studied has potential meaning.” (ACOL, T4:10.4 – 10.5)

In trying to get us to see that learning is over for us, Jesus focuses on our relationships, explaining that we have not normally “studied” our relationships; they have just happened as they have happened.

Perhaps it would be useful to return to A Course in Miracles a moment. Our relationship to our brother was seen as the greatest single aspect of what would lead us home. When we forgave our brother, we were touching heaven’s gate. Our special relationships, transformed into holy relationships, were seen as the fastest route to Awakening (called Christ-consciousness in A Course of Love).

Now we are seeing that focusing on our relationships will help us to see why learning is no longer recommended by Jesus. He thinks that we have gotten all we can from the learned wisdom of the past. He focuses now on what revelation from God can give us, revelation that makes its way from the Christ-Self, who is located deep within us and is a part of God. This Christ-Self is our new Self, our new source of guidance. For the first time in eons, we are letting this identity of ours come out to play.

We will learn from the Christ-Self and its relationships what Love is all about. And God, as we know, is Love. We don’t need to seek anymore, though seeking is a habit that at first is hard to drop. But seeking is so unnecessary, for with the Christ-Self and its guidance we have found. Just as in ACIM, now in reading ACOL we will first turn to our relationships to understand that additional learning is not necessary, and is even undesirable.

Turn to the Self within. Let it teach what it can. Let God’s living through us come through loud and clear. And let our relationships with our significant others lead the way.

Prayer

I enjoy feeling comfortable with my most significant others. I love the feeling of warmth that this love gives me. And it leads me to God’s Love, for it has always been through my relationships of love that I have developed a closer walk with God. Now is no different from times past. Now everything is coming together.

Help me to walk in a comfortable fashion today. This embraces Love—God—as well as God’s peace that passeth understanding. The day looks bright, even though there is rain outside. Everyday spent with God is bright.

Amen.

Genuine Relationships Are the Soul of Love

“Some of you have had more experience with new beginnings than others. For most mature adults, some form of new beginning has taken place or been offered. Often, those within the relationship of marriage have had occasion to choose to forgive the past and begin again to build a new relationship. Others, in a similar relationship, might have chosen to let the past go and enter into new relationships. Parents have welcomed home errant children to give them the chance to begin again. At all stages of life new friendships are formed and the relationship with each new friend provides for a new beginning.” (ACOL, T3:15.1)

We are caught in a new beginning right now, the culmination of the joining of heart and mind into wholeheartedness, and the joining of unity and relationship to form our place in this world. We can be optimistic about the future, or we can let fear overcome us, and drop into depression and self-doubt. All self-doubt, Jesus tells us, is really fear, and he has also in A Course of Love (as in A Course in Miracles) told us that there are only two emotions, love and fear. Of course, he asks us in this new beginning to choose love. And we know from our own new beginnings in our lives that the most successful of new beginnings are those that have been welcomed by love.

Relationship is everything, actually. Our individuated portions of the Self have come together in relationships that will destroy, or will transform, our world. Each of us is an individuated portion of the Self, for the Self, in unity, is One. Understanding this takes a mystical frame of mind. But mystical experiences are known to many of us, and they can be known by all of us if our mind does not close down, lost in skepticism that what we are experiencing is real.

So let us consider our new beginnings from our lives. If we formed a new relationship with our beloved after a rupture, if we formed a new relationship with a new beloved, if we welcomed home a wayward child—then we are easily led to follow Jesus’s thinking, because we know, first hand, what he is comparing real relationship to. Real relationships are the soul of Love. First, we meld together heart and mind to form wholeheartedness, and so we have an inner relationship to truth that serves us in good stead. Then we reach outward with the Self, the Christ-Self Who has been cloaked in the depths of our psyche for eons. This Self, shared with all others, forms relationships with our brothers and sisters in Love. And then we know that we will need never feel alone again.

Our union with our brothers and sisters, in relationships that are full of love, will allow us to proceed peacefully in our world. We will know intuitively and mystically that we are One with everyone, and when we know that, we cannot harm, for we know that we would only be hurting ourselves.

Prayer

I seek to expand my circle of close friends to even more brothers and sisters. This expansion of relationship will give me a broader community and help me to follow more precisely the tenets of A Course in Miracles and A Course of Love. The way back to God is paved by our relationships, our real relationship honed in love. There is no other answer as to how to live well in this world.

Be with me today, as always. Give me good energy to succeed in making a contribution to this difficult world. May I come to see this world as less difficult as I walk ever closer with You.

The way is not difficult with You hold my hand.

Amen.

Tending Our Garden

“This holy relationship is what you are called to cultivate as a gardener cultivates her garden. The gardener knows that although the plant exists fully realized within its seed, it also needs the relationship of earth and water, light and air. The gardener knows that tending the garden will help it to flourish and show its abundance. The gardener knows she is part of the relationship that is the garden. A true gardener believes not in bad seeds. A true gardener believes not that she is in control. A true gardener accepts the grandeur that is the garden and finds it beautiful to behold.” (ACOL, T2:12.10)

If we are not cultivating a holy relationship with all of our brothers and sisters, we are cultivating special relationships sponsored by the ego. And the ego would believe that the seed is everything, that there is no need for relationships, for sharing, with others. No need for earth and water, light and air. And that is why separation fails. The seed doesn’t prosper by itself—ever. And we have not done very well in our attempts to remain separate, supported only by unholy alliances that fail us repeatedly. We need the earth and water, light and air—the relationships that support a garden filled with seeds that are all good and need only sharing to blossom. A true gardener does not believe in bad seeds. The heart of all of us is innocent and filled with love. It is only the unsharing ego that is filled with fear. And, Jesus tells us, we have now left the ego behind—gone, to be unclaimed again forever if we remain in love. If we fall into fear again, we will institute a new ego where the other one withered away. And which of us wishes to do that?

The holy relationship is needs cultivation. Specialness thrives on separation and on highs and lows that know no end. There is no high that is not followed by a low, sometimes a desperate low that sends us to our knees. When we truly love another, we will recognize that our choosing of particular others to love has heretofore been flawed. We wanted what special others could do for us, special others who would supply our needs and our wants. When we truly realize that our needs are always supplied, that giving and receiving are one, we will stop trying to protect ourselves by choosing specialness instead of holiness. Our special relationships will not be snatched from us, but transformed to the holy. We will realize that in trying to meet our needs, we have chosen the form of our relationships badly. We were being selfish out of fear. With needs met, and the continual assurance of needs being met, we are freed to love in holy embrace. The embrace encompasses the whole world, the All, for the Self is shared with all others. We are, after all, truly One. And in the warmth of that embrace, we will come into our own as beloved children of God, One with Him and no longer separated by a nefarious ego that brought on much suffering and much turmoil.

So: We must be good gardeners. We must recognize that there are many elements to a growing plant, and we are that growing plant. The kernel of our Self is the seed that contains all that we have accomplished and will accomplish in life. But it does take earth and water, light and air. And these are our holy relationships, the breeze that keeps us afloat.

Prayer

Thank You for the aptness of Jesus’s metaphor of the garden. All of us, even those without gardening talents, can identify with what he says. And we do know that environmental conditions determine whether or not a garden thrives.

My environmental conditions are my holy relationships, and for these I thank You. I don’t spend a lot of time imagining exactly what “holy” does mean, for if I did I would feel unworthy. But I do think from time to time of the highs and lows that I knew when I was embroiled in a special relationship that brought me more pain than joy, more lows than highs, a fantasy of the mind and heart. Those days are over, and I thank You that You wrapped me up all to yourself during that time. I learned to depend on You. Thank You for always being there for me.

Thank You for the holiness that I am coming to comprehend. I, like everybody else, needs holiness in going about our daily lives. May Your holiness encompass my Self, and in this embrace, I will walk a green earth, filled with gardens.

Amen.

Interactions with Others Can Be of Ease & Certainty

“Certainty and ease as surely go together. There are no more decisions for you to make. There is only a call for a dedicated and devoted will, a will dedicated to the present moment, to those who are sent to you and to how you are guided to respond to them. One will be a teacher, another a student. The difference will be clear if you listen with your heart.” (ACOL, C:28.13)

A reassuring passage, this quotation for today tells it like it is—if we are strong enough to comprehend and to put into practice. If we can be at ease when we are certain about things, we will go a long way toward home today. Ease and effortless living are prized in A Course of Love; we don’t have to struggle. In fact, we are forbade struggle as a very bad idea, something that the ego got us caught up in so that we would take the credit when we succeeded after much struggle.

May we get past all of this disaster today. Let us live in the present moment, sure of the present, more sure than we have ever been of anything before. We will encounter others, some of whom will be teachers for us, some of whom will be students for us. If we are fortunate, we will fall in line with the difference.

We are to observe in the outside world, and later on we see that this observation enlarges into being “in-formed” by the larger world. When we observe and when we are informed, we will take life as it comes. We won’t be confused by the fact that some know more than we do, some know less. This is only relevant while we are in time, and time is an illusion in our world. Beyond the veils of death, time is no more. And the same for space.

If we listen with our heart, in ease and certainly, we will know which individuals we encounter are meant to be our teachers, and which we are meant to teach. Listening with our heart, as always, is extolled in ACOL.

Live today in ease and, with it, certainty of a present that will give us all that we truly need. There are actually no needs, for needs are met at the point of recognition. And when this happens, we know that needs are no more.

Dear Father/Mother,

We so easily misunderstand each other. We so easily overstep our bounds and do that which does not help another. But with You guiding us, these mistakes will vanish into nothingness. As they came from nothingness, the mistakes of the ego.

Help us to reach out to others only to the extent that they are ready to receive. We need to pull back if our gestures are not helpful to them. May we have enough sense to understand the difference.

Amen.

Don’t Make Life More Complicated than It Is

“To live in relationship is to accept all that is happening in the present as your present reality, and as a call to be in relationship with it. It is the willingness to set aside judgment so that you are not contemplating what “should” be happening rather than what is happening. It looks past percep¬tion of “others” to relationship and wholeness. To live in relationship is to live in harmony even with conflict. It is an understanding that if conflict arises in your present there is something to be learned from your relation¬ship with conflict.” (ACOL, C:27.14)

This quotation enlarges on the concept of relationship, a concept that is given great play in A Course of Love. We are to be in relationship with what happens in our world as well as with the people in that world. And even if we encounter conflict, we are to know that there is something in conflict for us to learn from. Later on in ACOL, we are taught that our learning is to come from observation of the people and things in our outer world, no longer from books of the past, what people have told us about experience. We are to experience directly through this observation.

We don’t need to argue with our experiences. We don’t need to place “should’s” and “ought’s” on what is going on around us. If something that we don’t like is going on, there is still something for us to learn from this lamentable set of circumstances. And, likewise, if there is something that we like going on, we can relax in the joy and derive pleasure from our surroundings as well.

We don’t need to get in tangles with our world. We simply, directly, observe our surroundings, just as we simply and directly observe our reactions to our surroundings. Don’t make life more complicated than it truly is. Take life by the smooth handle. Relax and be happy, joyous. The way home is not a struggle, and if we insist on struggling, we will miss the mark. The only way home is through, not around, but that “through” is not meant to be a mire. We walk smoothly and easily, along a smooth pathway. And if we find briars where we thought that we would find smoothness, if we trip and fall, we just need to pick ourselves up and try again. The briars are of our own making.

Find wholeness today in our relationship with others and with God. We are a part of that wholeness, and the wholeness is all positive—if we don’t get lot in ruminations of making things different from what they are. We take life at face value, simply and peacefully.

Then we know that we have found the right route through and beyond our troubles.

Dear Father/Mother,

I find myself in conflict from time to time, and I wonder if this is a pattern, in memory, from egoic living. I know that we don’t have to remain in conflict, because turning to You will ease our way, and turning to You will ease our way immediately. Thank You for being there, deep within me, embodying the Self who is my inner Christ. This Self is my little part of You, and knowing that this little Self is part of the All is reassuring in the extreme.

Be with us today. Thank You for the good morning that I had, and may the rest of the day unfold in just such a good manner.

Amen.

Love Is Not Limited

“Thus, while your partner in love transcends total knowing, this too is “how it is.” How it is meant to be. Love inviolate. Each of you is love inviolate. Yet relationally, you may be able to “read each other’s thoughts,” be cogni¬zant of the slightest switch in mood, finish each other’s sentences. You know the other would lay down his or her life for you, rise to any occasion of your need, share your every fear and joy.

“Non-partnered love also shares a knowing through relationship. The loved one may be on the other side of the country, separated by distance, or previous choices, or past hurts, and yet a relationship continues.” (ACOL, C:23.3 – 23.4)

We know much about our significant others in this lifetime. We can know much without making them examples of specialness, for specialness is forbade in A Course of Love. We get nowhere by imagining that we are partnered with only a few others, leaving out all the rest. We take nothing from our most precious partner when we expand our intimacy to our brothers and sisters.

Of course, this intimacy says nothing about sexual intimacy. And, prone as we are in our culture to think of sex, we can get confused if we don’t spell out the difference. Intimacy is love of the highest magnitude, and we don’t have to single out individuals in a “special” sense to bestow this love upon them.

We share with others at a distance through psychic means, though Jesus does not spell this out in the quotation for today. We do communicate across the miles, though, and we form love relationships that are lasting. Once we have loved, we never give up that love. And that is the way love is intended to be.

We are in relationship with all others, all of our brothers and sisters. And when we realize that we don’t have to make these individuals “special” in our own sight, we have taken a giant leap forward in our understanding. We take nothing away from those closest to us by loving all others. When we love with a deep love, we know that there is enough love to go all around.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Be with me today as I seek to love the ones whom I encounter. May my interaction with all others be easy and peaceful, joyous and in harmony. The truth is that we will never be satisfied until we are in love relationships with all others.

May my day go smoothly. May the difficulty that I have in getting going in the mornings just fall away as the bright sun burns off the mist from my eyes. Be with me as I seek to keep a good attitude about all things. And thank you for Jesus’s hints about how to live well.

Amen.

Lasting Love

“This can be most clearly seen in relationships that were once “everything” to you and have since failed you. This can be a memory of any relationship, and each of you has one. It can be of parent and child, of best friends, of a marriage or a partnership, or even that of a mentor or student. Whatever the relationship’s configuration, it was one that truly brought you joy. Within it you were happy and felt as if you needed nothing more than this. It was a relationship so intense that at its peak you would have begun to see its continuation without change as the major goal of your life.” (ACOL, C:14.11)

Here Jesus is taking a look at the special relationship(s) that once seemed to be “everything” for us. He indicates later on that while we learned much from this relationship(s), it is now time to turn to the holiness that is possible in relationships.

Jesus indicates that we have all had such a relationship, and that it can take many forms. Yes, indeed. We often found rejection in relationships such as this, and this rejection has wounded us, making us wary of future relationships.

We don’t have to let the past dictate our future. The fact that we once loved deeply but paves the way for future love. While it seemed that the other person was the real reason for our love, the love that we were feeling was coming from deep inside us. We were capable of that much love, and that is a welcome idea indeed.

Walk on into new love relationships, but make them holy—wanting only the best for the other, not choosing to make of the relationship something that is self-serving. We do know the difference, though the acknowledgment may come only later on.

Holy relationships with all brothers and sisters are the way that we are walking. We are eliminating special relationships, but we will lose nothing by this elimination. Keep our minds and hearts solely on the good, the true, and the blessed, and we will know happy times in love again. This time to last.

Love Is the Answer–Still

“The word love is part of your problem with this Course. If I were to take the word love and change it to some sophisticated-sounding technical term, and say this is the stuff that binds the world together in unity, it would be easier for you to accept. If I were to say you know not of this sophisticated term and this is why you have believed in your separation rather than in your unity with all things, you would be far more likely to nod your head and say, ‘I was but ignorant of this, as was everyone else.’” (ACOL, C:12.1)

This passage quotes in full what I alluded to in the blog yesterday, the allusion to imagining love to be something new and different, a new something that we have never heard of before.

Now we know that this is not true, and can we fool ourselves that we know not of love? That we don’t realize that it is the stuff of unity, one to another?

Of course not. We know enough from our reading of A Course of Love that we are seeking to know union with God, with Self, with others. We share in one world and one universe, and it is only in the sharing that we come into our own. And Love is the “stuff” of which God is made. Our Christian tradition has long told us that God is Love. But have we believed this?

Now is the time for belief in love as the Answer. And the means of coming to know this true reality is to listen to our heart. Until we do, all is truly lost. But it is an easy decision to listen to the heart. Feelings come from the heart, and from A Course in Miracles, we have learned that guidance frequently comes through feelings. If it doesn’t “feel” right, we have schooled ourselves not to do it. And rightly so.

So if we have tried love and failed (or so we think), let us try again. What failed was the egoic love of special relationships, but we have learned in ACOL that holy relationships are the only way to go. The only meaningful and lasting way. An end to the special, but not an end that we would rue. There is no reason to think that we will lose in giving up special relationships, though our egoic minds tell us that we will. The heart knows better. We will gain and gain fully in loving all with a holy love. Of course, this doesn’t mean that we seek physical expression for this holy love. We may still limit our displays of physical affection. But the gist of holy love can be for all.

And it will be no mystery as to why we are healed.

Miracles vs. Magic

“Let us talk a moment here of miracles. Simply stated, miracles are a natural consequence of joining. Magic is your attempt to do miracles on your own. In the early stages of your learning, you will be tempted to play a game of make believe. You will not believe that you are not your body, but you would make believe that you are not.” (ACOL, C:10.11)

Do we believe that we are our body? Pure and simple? Just the body, or are we beginning to see that the body is something that carries us, and that we ourselves are something else entirely?

Coming to this understanding is something the miracle will do for us. We will begin to believe in the intangible. We will see that we are spirit, occupying the space that is the body. And we will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that life goes on after the “death” of the body.

This belief in life after death is a major blessing of the miracle. Many of our fears have centered on the belief that we didn’t survive the death of the body, or we survived in a hell (of our own making), or we survived in we knew not what. We still don’t know the what of our survival beyond the death of the body, but we can intuit that what we will find will be good. And the miracle does that for us.

When we join with each other, we know miracles as a natural consequence of this joining. We are recognizing that we are not separate, as we have thought for eons. So what is there to fear? Many of our fears, just like uncertainty about the afterlife, have centered on the fact that we thought ourselves all alone, with nobody on whom we could depend except those in our special relationships. Joining, by implication, moves beyond special relationships to something better—holy relationships. We let go when we need to, but we will always have people in our lives who are there for us. We don’t have to fall in line with the drama of special relationships, for we know the true and the real of the holy. And with this another miracle has happened.

Let miracles happen today. Join freely with the others who surround us. What we give, we receive—as we have long known but didn’t know how to put into practice.

Now we know. We just reach out in love, for we have cast fear—at least for today—aside. And the miracle that envelops us will keep fear at bay.

Just love without expectations. And what we get in return will dwarf our expectations. Love is the thing. The only thing.

Open Our Hearts to Union

“Joining happens in relationship, not in physical form. Joining is not the obliteration of one thing to make another—joining makes each one whole, and in this wholeness one with all. This union has never really ceased to be, but as long as you do not realize that it exists its benefits are unavailable to you.” (ACOL, C:10.2)

A Course of Love talks about “joining” in a way that A Course in Miracles never did. This joining is the way in which we come into holy relationships with our brothers and sisters. We are in union with them, union and relationship. We are made whole by this joining, as the quotation says. We don’t need to feel any longer, at all, that we are separate and apart in this disastrous world. We are One with the All, including all others as well as God Himself.

As long as we thought that we needed to be independent and autonomous, we couldn’t know the benefits of joining. “Joining,” for us, only meant a physical bonding. This is not all that joining means, though. It is a spiritual bonding one to the other. And by it we are saved; it is out way home.

We know joining when we left down our barriers against love. And all of us have these barriers against love, thinking that we will be safer if we don’t open our heart. Of course, we are learning that just the reverse is true: We need to open our hearts to others and to God. This is the ONLY way that we can finally be at peace.

And it will be no secret that we are finally and ultimately saved, when we open our heart to joining with each other. The blessings are many, the drawbacks, none at all.

Try to soften your heart today for the love that is all around us. As we give, we receive. And there is nothing better to give and receive than love.

Holy Relationships Offer Harmony in Daily Life

“Despite your bravest attempts to remain separate, you must use your brothers and sisters in order to even maintain the illusion of your sepa¬ration. Would it not simply be better to end this charade? To admit that you were not created for separation but for union? To begin to let go of your fear of joining, and as you do let go of use as well?” (ACOL, C:9.49)

We are meant to be in union with all that exists, our brothers and sisters, our world, and God Himself. We have maintained our desire to be separate and autonomous, believing that this is what we want. But has it gotten us what we want? Haven’t we fallen into special relationships, constantly, even as we tried to maintain some apartness?

This apartness is surely what we have found in our special relationships, because we want others to be with us, but not too close. We are afraid of closeness, fearing that it will take something from us. And so we are engaged in a delicate dance of approach and avoidance of our special others. And this scenario makes drama for us. Indeed, we have become addicted to drama in our lives, and this is not the way to welcome peace and harmony.

We have used others in special relationships to ourselves. Used them for what they could give us that we thought that we lacked. Indeed, when we seek a special romantic relationship, we look for those things that are unique in the other, what that person has that we can steal to make ourselves more whole. We imagine that we are half a person, looking for our other half in a soul mate relationship that will offer solace to us and help us make our way in this dangerous world. When we seek to take from the other his/her very life essence, we are using that person for nefarious ends. We don’t feel right about it, really, but we don’t yet, many of us, know any other way to interact.

Let us be done with this charade now. Let us realize that independence, autonomy, is a myth for us. Why? We are not made to be alone. We are made to be living in holy relationship with our Self deep within, our brothers and sisters, even God Himself. This holy relationship, in which we do not seek to take any more than we seek to give, is where we will find solace. We will recognize that our holy relationships are our way home. We will be happier than ever before, as we give and receive as one.

The dynamic of special relationships turned holy is not something that can be taught. It is a matter of the heart, and love cannot be taught so that it becomes learned. But we can remove blocks to love’s awareness, and the first and most important is to recognize that we don’t like how we are living now. The high’s and low’s of special relationships preclude the harmony that will prevail when we have mastered the “holy” in holy relationships. Give it our all today, to love and be loved in return, and see if our independence doesn’t fall away quickly, and we experience a peace that is beyond anything previously encountered. We won’t be made dull or bored by this peace; it is the height of aliveness. And then we will know that we have truly found home at last.

The Quest for Right Relationships

“Your quest for what is missing thus becomes the race you run against death. You seek it here, you seek it there, and scurry on to the next thing and the next. Each person runs this race alone, with hope only of victory for himself. You realize not that if you were to stop and take your brother’s hand, the racecourse would become a valley full of lilies, and you would find yourself on the other side of the finish line, able at last to rest.” (ACOL, C:9.40)

“If you were to stop and take your brother’s hand.” Yes! Here A Course of Love is saying the same thing that A Course in Miracles does. In ACIM, we are encouraged to realize that our way home is in a holy relationship with our brother. And this method, for Jesus, has not changed. We find our way back to God by loving our brother (or sister).

We are constantly looking for salvation alone, fruitlessly. But even Ruth Montgomery’s Guides said that we have to take our brother’s hand, that we cannot find our way back to God in a solitary and lonely search. Yet we still try, and it is such a pity! We need only acknowledge our relationship, in sharing, in joining with all, to know the ultimate in salvation, the enlightenment process itself.

Jesus’s language in this passage is so very beautiful. “The racecourse would become a valley full of lilies.” He invoked herein the same image as A Course in Miracles as well. Jesus likes lilies, and we do, too. Our Easter lilies are a case in point.

So what do we do now? We simply and humbly make a decision that we will join with our brothers and sisters in the walk homeward. We will no longer seek to be solitary seekers. Our seeking does have an end, we will learn in A Course of Love, but in the Course proper, we are not yet at that point.

Join today with the significant others in your life. Let their turmoil and troubles be your own as well, but not to disturb your peace, for this turmoil is illusory. Never forget that this world is an illusion—at least until we reach the real world toward which we are heading. And then, it is very likely that the real is intangible, being of God, Who has no form.

The best thing that we can do today is to determine that we are One with our brothers and sisters as well as One with God. God, being within, is always available for our communion with Him. He never does forsake us, as traditional Christianity has often said. Be humble today. Ask what we should do next. And it is very likely that that next action will be a gift to our brothers and sisters, the others in our world. There is no better way to spend a day, for giving and receiving are one, and what we give to others is returned to us many times over.

Focus on the Love that Remains

“Seeking what you have lost in other people, places, and things is but a sign that you do not understand that what you have lost still belongs to you. What you have lost is missing, not gone. What you have lost is hidden to you but has not disappeared nor ceased to be.” (ACOL, C:9.39)

There is a tenet in A Course of Love that the relationships that we have known are never really lost to us, that even if separated by distance or even death, we have an ongoing connection. A Course in Miracles says something very similar; it says that all who meet are destined to meet again, for it is intended that all special relationships will eventually turn holy. If we can believe these two ideas (and I believe we can, of course), then we need not fret when there are endings in our lives. Those we have loved are never really lost to us, in part, perhaps, because (as we know) love is eternal.

Thus what we have lost in people, places, and things is not really gone, though it may be missing at any given point in time. Love is not gone, and nearly always love is present, still, in some form that we can appreciate. The forms change, but the eternity of love felt by God’s children does not change.

Of course, we can get stubborn. If we are still clinging to special relationships (even though ACOL says that special relationships must end), we may not be satisfied with anything holy that enters our lives. We may insist, angrily, that we want what we want. And then we are not at peace.

The smart thing is to take love where it is to be found. Holy love lets the other go, leave entirely, without pain or suffering. After all, we know that we are protected and that we are never alone and lost to a remedy. Although another person cannot substitute for the lost person, we can gracefully see the other go—if only because we know that somewhere, somehow, there will be a reconciliation.

This attitude may take a great deal of faith, but it constitutes true love. We do not wish someone to stay with us who wants out. And all the universe will rush to our side with remediation, if we are not too stubborn to accept the love that still abides with us—despite a loss.

A young person, feeling special love for the first time, and then finding rejection, will not easily see this point of view. It takes more maturity to see the whole picture. But an eternal love exists, as this passage implies, and we would do well to focus our eyes on the love that remains in our lives.
We have no other choice, really. And then we open ourselves to new joy, not renewed stubbornness at refusing to let go.

Our Love Is Not in Vain

“Think not that these are senseless questions, made to bring love and pain together and there to leave you unaided and unhelped, for pain and love kept together in this way makes no sense, and yet makes the greatest sense of all. These questions merely prove love’s value. What else do you value more?” (ACOL, C:3.21)

Senseless questions are not real questions, and they don’t accomplish anything in this world. But Jesus asks questions full of sense, questions asking where we are going from where we have been, questions that ask us to take another look at true reality. And when we do take another look at true reality, what do we find but a world enveloped in God’s love?

We don’t value anything above love, though we may, in egoic clutches, reach for those things that will hurt us. True love never hurts. Only egoic special love does that. True love is abundantly kind, above all else.

We all remember the drama of special relationships that we thought were true love. My, how we remember that! But, if we are lucky, that special relationship will morph into a holy relationship, and our hurt will subside. We will know that our beloved is after the same thing that we are—true love, which knows only peace. And kindness. The Dalai Lama once said that kindness was his religion. And surely we can understand what he is trying to say. A kind demeanor for the world is sure to bring more kindness in its wake. And we will know, for a sure thing, that our love has not been in vain.

Eternal Love Is the World’s Only True Reality

“Every loving thought that the Son of God ever had is eternal. The loving thoughts his mind perceives in this world are the world’s only reality. They are still perceptions, because he still believes that he is separate. Yet they are eternal because they are loving.” (ACIM, T-11.VII.2)

We have all heard platitudes about how important love is to our very existence, but this quotation does not mouth platitudes. We are told that our loving thoughts are eternal, that they are the world’s only reality. Yet as long as we think we are separate, we will be caught in a perceived world. Only when we move beyond perception to knowledge do we reach the reality that we long to find.

Love is God, and we are a part of God, and so we are love as well. While this does not mean that God is an emotion, it does mean something very close to the emotion of love that we understand as holy. It is very far, on the other hand, from the emotion of love that we thrust upon others whom we deem are special to ourselves.

Special love will not last, and for those of us first caught up in romantic love, we need to take heed. The special love that is the first bloom of romance must move forward into the holy love that sees that the perfection we envision is truly real. The perfection of our beloved is the only part of special love that is right and true. And the first bloom of special love does see this clearly.

I often think that talking of mature love sounds so deadly. We are told, in effect, to grow up and love more sanely. But real love is not needed as a test of sanity. The part of special love that is seeing perfection is seeing truly. And then we expand this perfection to a wide scope, and we extend this sight into the future, and then we have the holy love that is lasting.

“Love is the condition of your reality. In your human form your heart must beat for the life of your self to take place. This is the nature of your reality. Love is as essential to your being as the heart to the body.” (ACOL, C:1.3)

We need love. We all know this, but we also feel powerless, sometimes, to keep the loves in our life that we want. People come and go, and loves seem also to come and go.

A true understanding knows that the ones we have loved are never lost to us. That love that we felt is a part of eternity, and eternity means “lasting.” We don’t have to see, speak to, or write the person whom we once adored. He or she may have no part in our lives.

But the loves lives on, taking on a life of its own.

And this early love does not mitigate against later loves. Love, once present, expands the heart so that other love comes more easily, for the measure of our love is what it has done to us. We have changed internally by the very act of loving. And this loving lasts and lasts, making new and fresh incarnations along the way.

We don’t have to worry about being bereft of love. Our hearts simply need to be open to what God has for us. He never departs; he never allows us to feel alone for very long. He knows that we need other people, as we also need Him. And He will supply that need with every heartfelt cry.

Struggle Is Not Meant to Be

“Just as you eat to still your hunger only to become hungry again, so does the rest of your life need constant maintenance to retain the reality you have given it. ‘Struggle to succeed and succeed to struggle yet another day’ is the life you have made, and the life you fear heaven would replace.” (ACOL, 6.13)

We have made such a mess as we sought to make the reality that we wanted in this world. How many of us really are addicted to struggle, think that it is virtuous?

I think many of us are. We think that hard work is its own reward, but, oh, are we so wrong. Life is not meant to be a struggle. We are meant to live peaceably and in contentment. Until we change our goals, we will not understand this directive. We will think that we are missing the mark if we drop struggle, because the ego made everything a struggle, as though we wouldn’t measure up unless we constantly worked.

“And yet the very reality that you have set up—the reality of not being able to succeed in what you must constantly strive to do—is a situation set up to provide relationship. Like everything else you have remembered of creation and made in its image, so too is this.” (ACOL, 9.26)

We still find ourselves in relationship one to the other, even in our egoic state of mind prior to getting a glimpse of true reality. We have “remembered” part of what creation really meant for us, but we have remembered it in only a pale reflection of what it is. This remembering is commonplace in our world, but we don’t normally recognize what we are remembering—that we are seeing a pristine world prior to the fall into insanity.

We can let ourselves off the hook. We have so often chastised ourselves for failing. But this is not the issue. Our egos have set up the world for us to fail, because the ego is constantly being undone. If the ego were not being undone, we would ultimately be lost, seeing no way out. That the ego fails repeatedly is a lesson that we will one day come to see, and this lesson offers us the first glimmerings of our way out—our way to salvation.

Choose a day without struggle. If there is something that you don’t want to do, but think you should—just choose not to do that activity. Find out from your reticence what is going on is this non-productive state of mind. You may find that you have been walking along the wrong pathway, and your true reality is trying to let you know. You can always try this activity tomorrow if the experiment proves unfruitful. But I think that you will learn great things by listening to the small Voice that warns against the activity for which you have no motivation. There is a reason for no motivation. Listen and be forewarned.

No Longer Isolated, We Are One In Relationship

“Relationship is the invisible reality only expressed in form.” (ACOL, Dialogues, Day 14, 14.9)

We are individuals meant to be in relationship one to the other; we don’t have to imagine that the best way is to be isolated, alone, independent, doing it “our way.” We are meant to share with others this existence on earth. We were created for each other. That is why there are so many of us.

So: Relationship is the reality, expressed in form. If we didn’t have our physical bodies, our forms, we would be less inclined to imagine that we ought to remain concretely separate. Since we do have form, but we know that we are really One in unity with the All, then it is in relationship that our identity is best expressed.

This assertion, in the quotation above, is a milestone in our attempts to understand what Jesus is saying in A Course of Love. If we can understand unity (we are One) and relationship (we are nevertheless many), then we will have solved a great puzzle. And we won’t stand independent and isolated, by choice, any longer. We will know that we were created for each other.

You Are Never Alone

“You must forgive reality for being what it is. Reality, the truly real, is relationship. You must forgive God for creating a world in which you cannot be alone.” (ACOL, 6.1)

We thought that we wanted independence, autonomy. We thought that it was right and good that we stand on our own feet and make our own lives, to “do it my way.” But has this made us happy? And happiness is a function for us, as described in A Course in Miracles. Our “splendid isolation” has brought us nothing but grief. There must be another way (as Bill said to Helen, shortly before ACIM was channeled).

It is a startling idea to read that we must “forgive God for creating a world in which you cannot be alone.” We don’t realize that we have, in a sense, blamed God for the failure of our egos to establish our happiness as independent creatures, creatures not even needing God.

But it is also reassuring to know that we don’t have to struggle in isolation. We were never meant to be alone. We were meant to be sharing individuals in a caring world. This is our inheritance when we see aright. This is where we are heading as a world. To get there may take a very long time, but once begun, the end is sure.

So this definition of true reality tells us that it is relationship. Our holy relationships one to the other, I might add. This is what we will enjoy when we have given up the primacy of special relationships, relationships that are actually filled with the fear that we will be left alone and isolated. In the holy world, filled with our holy relationships, we are never alone. Others are there for us, and God Himself becomes Someone Who is not fearful to us, and so we can touch His Essence as well. Our inner Christ Self is joined to God, and with this sure foundation we walk a good earth.

The Star Shines Still

“You have not two realities, but one. Nor can you be aware of more than one. An idol or the Thought God holds of you is your reality. Forget not, then, that idols must keep hidden what you are, not from the Mind of God, but from your own. The star shines still; the sky has never changed. But you, the holy son of God Himself, are unaware of your reality.” (ACIM, T-30.III.11)

There is a way in which these special relationships become holy, for at the beginning of the specialness, we have actually glimpsed what the holy will be, later on. We want to get past the grievances when love seems to fade. We want to touch the holy in our relationships.

If the Thought God holds of me is true reality, how can I come to know what that Thought is? A Course in Miracles answers this question. The Thought is one of pure essence, of a being of love with no dark fear intruding; a thought of love, with no egoic notions compounding our sorrows into suffering. We do not really want for idols, but we have found many in our walk in this world. Those idols keep us from the true God.

Often our special relationships start out as a search for idolatry. We make of our beloved an idol, and in the making does the ego loom large. Only this ecstasy does not last, for we find that our special love has very human characteristics. And then we are off again, searching once again for a perfect love that is in actuality an idol.

Special relationships turned holy are the special means that A Course in Miracles is taking us back home to God. When we realize that the negative aspects of our beloved, newly seen by us, are actually the insanity of the ego, then we are led to love on a deeper level. It is sometimes helpful when anger emerges, or attack looms, to say to ourselves, “This is just insanity.” For it is. And insanity is the madness is which we have been lost to God and to ourselves.

Until we change those special relationships into holy, we do not know our true reality. The true reality has not changed, but we have been oblivious to it.

Decide today to seek what is good and pure, true and honest. The blessings that we will know will surface our highest imaginings.

Valentine’s Day, by Ivor Sowton

Through the observation of others recommended by Jesus in A Course of Love (ACOL), through which we can experience the truth in others directly, rather than through our egos, we can perhaps get a new “take” on Valentine’s Day that can be helpful to us.

Valentine’s Day is another of those popular holidays that has gone widely cross-cultural, having achieved wide observance in big parts of Asia and Africa after its obscure beginnings in Western Catholicism. I say obscure beginnings because if you look into its roots you find at least three early Christian saints associated with its founding, and various accounts of their lives are not consistent. Nevertheless, all of these founding saints had names close to “Valentine,” and all of them were martyred for their faith (that used to be the usual requirement for being declared a saint–ouch!). Further–and here we get to the ACOL connection–these saints all had certain special people in their own personal lives to whom they sent short, fervent love notes (smuggled out of prison in their case!)

Now I don’t mean to suggest that these saints were “in love” with the recipients of their notes (although this apparently could be argued!) The point here is that they touched a very deep chord in us collectively and cross-culturally, as evidenced by the tremendous world-wide popularity of Valentine’s Day today.

The Jungian reading of this phenomenon would be that a deep, collective unconscious archetype had being activated here–and these deep archetypes are POWERFUL!

At any rate, Valentine’s Day quickly became about romantic little notes to those we are (or want to be!!) romantically involved with. Very early on in the history of the printing press there were mass produced love notes called “valentines,” and a famous book was soon printed containing short romantic poems to help people express the love they were feeling for that special person in their lives. The phenomena of Valentine’s Day had gone viral, as we would say today!

So, we are looking at the special relationship here, right?

Let’s use observation now, as defined by Jesus in ACOL:

“The power to observe what is is what what will keep you unified with your brothers and sisters rather than separating you from them.” (4th Treatise, 2.17)

So, let’s start with humility. We can’t pretend that “other” people might have the problem of special relationships, but not us. In a way it doesn’t seem fair, I admit. I mean, here we’ve diligently studied “special relationships” in ACOL and maybe A Course in Miracles (ACIM) too–shouldn’t that confer on us some kind of immunity? But we have to remember that our egos thrive on a sense of superiority over others, and are certainly capable of misusing this kind of insight to maintain their own specialness!
Here’s another relevant quote

“A new relationship exists now between the physical and the spiritual…This new relationship is the only state in which observation of what is can occur…It is believing that you exist in relationship and union with all and that each encounter is one of union and relationship…” (ibid, 2.25, 2.26, 2.32)

For me what this means at least for now is that unity and relationship with others is our natural state. As we start to observe others more and more in that light of unity we are going to love them more. But not as special beings outside of us whom we then become dependent on, for that is the old way of separation, rather than the new state of unity in relationship that Jesus is calling us to.

So go ahead and send that Valentine card and gift, but in the new way rather than the old way! The subtext will then be: “I am so glad to finally be able to see you for Who you really are. In doing so we are both ennobled, observer and observed as one in Christ consciousness.”

But the actual words you might write can be innocent, unschooled, and trite, even! We get to be sweet and childlike in the new way, thank goodness!

“Observation is an extension of the embrace that in turn makes the embrace observable.” (ibid, 3.1)
Isn’t that beautiful?

Happy Valentine’s!

Use Free Will to Join with Our Brother

“But one was needed to end the separation, and in this one are all the rest joined. For what alone in all creation could be affected by your free will but your own self? But one was needed to, of his own free will, join his will with his Father’s for it to be done for all. This is all correction or atonement means, and all that is in need of your acceptance. Join your brother who made this choice for all and you are reunited with the Christ in you.” (ACOL, C:12.14)

Jesus frequently speaks of “one” when he is getting us to understand that we need only join with our brother—one brother—to effect salvation for all. He makes a similar statement in the Manual of A Course in Miracles, that one individual only was needed to bring atonement to all the world. And many of us see that one as Jesus himself, 2000 years ago. But Jesus does not take anything unto himself that cannot be exemplified in each of us, in this day and time. Elsewhere he says that there is nothing that he has that all of us cannot have, only that he has nothing else, that what he has is potential in us.

We use our free will, a our real will that is one with God’s, to join with our brothers and sisters. We make the decision to forgive and to join. And we are never the same after this. Anything that the other can do is not sufficient to rue our choice to join with him or her. We always forgive, knowing that nothing bad has actually happened, that we are lost in illusion and so bad things don’t affect us, with this understanding.

So we, each of us, find our way home by loving our brother, by walking hand in hand with our brother in holy relationship.

A Part of Heaven Is Laid in Our Relationships

“Before a holy relationship there is no sin. The form of error is no longer seen, and reason, joined with love, looks quietly on all confusion, observing merely, ‘This was a mistake.’ And then the same Atonement you accepted in your relationship corrects the error, and lays a part of Heaven in its place. How blessed are you who let this gift be given!” (T-22.VI.5)

We can easily accept Atonement when we accept it through our special relationships turned holy. A holy relationship, we are told, is a means of saving time. And when we turn to our brother, overlooking his mistakes as just mistakes (not sins), then we see Heaven itself in our relationship. We have walked further toward the grace that is always held out to us.

We have been confused when we fail to overlook mistakes in our brother. Of course, overlooking is hard when we believe ourselves to have really been attacked, and to have suffered from this attack. But to think in such a way is to compound the error, the mistake.

Our brother had only attacked us because his mind is lost in illusion, and we ourselves are attached to that illusion as well. Our real Self has not been harmed in any way. We are intact. And being intact, we can show our brother an innocent face, a face that has not been hurt, and in the showing of this unhurt face, our brother will receive (as do we) a part of Heaven itself.

Living the Way of Mary

1 – Day 19

“Those of you who are the forerunners of the way of Mary may have felt confusion over your sense of calling. You know you are called to something, and something important, but it does not have a form within your mind and so you see not how it can become manifest in the world. In other words, you know not what to do. You perhaps see no ‘specific’ accomplishment in your future, but see instead a way of living as the ultimate accomplishment. (Dialogues of A Course of Love, Day 19)”

2 – Way of Living

A way living is the ultimate way of Mary; it is not achieving, out in the world, as doers have done in the way of Jesus. This becomes a reflective way of life, a way of relationship, often in the family, and is sometimes understood, perhaps, by women more so than by men. This is according to the stereotype of how women have been viewed in a patriarchal society. And in the new world, men and women both will be far more likely just to live, just to live in relationship, than to try to achieve, even if that achievement is ego-less.

3 – Comforting

This way is a comforting way, this way of Mary. It is a very loving way, this way of relationship. We move in circles that are near to us; we heal each other in ways that are impossible if one is out in the world trying to make a mark, to actively change the world for the better.

4 – Change Happens from Within

A Course in Miracles and A Course of Love both emphasize that change of the world happens only when we first see an inward change. We change amiss when we attempt to overturn the old order by force of external means. We change what we perceive, and then we change what we know, and in the doing, we change quite a bit in the outside world. Even followers in Mary’s tradition will change quite a bit in the outside world, but it will be a by-product of that change that happens closer to home, closer to the heart.

5 – Contented

“Being content is being fulfilled by the way in which you express who you are—by the way you express your content—your wholeness. Those who use their gifts to create the truth they see are those who in ‘doing’ find their way to true contentment and true creation. . . .Those called to the way of Mary are called to be what they want to see reflected in the world and to the realization that this reflection is the new way of creation. In their being they become what they want to create. (Dialogues of A Course of Love, Day 19)”

6 – Becoming

Those of the way of Mary are in the midst of “becoming” a being whom they want to create. In their Selves they embody change. If one first becomes something that is actually desired in the outside world, we truly make a change over which we have some control. We can always change our own selves. And in the changing does the world itself change as well.

7 – Being

We rest content when our very being has been transformed, and if the way of Mary is our way, then this is what we are about.

8 – Interaction

“The way of Mary is not a place or state of non-interaction however. This is not the state or place of the monks, nuns, or the contemplatives of old. It is not solitary nor isolated, nor confined to a specific community. It is a way of existence in which relationship is paramount. It is not listening to a calling to ‘do’ but a calling to ‘become.’ (A Course of Love: Dialogues, p. 180)”

9 – Relationships

Relationships do matter a great deal. And when we are following Mary’s way, we major in relationships. They are our focus, they are our reason for living. Cannot we see that women have historically played this role, even when the ego was the dominant inner force?

10 – Rest

There is rest in the way of Mary. We no longer try to change anybody or anything that is outside of us, unless that change happens naturally through our interaction with them. We aren’t trying to a role model for anyone; we are just “being.” We are not “doing” in the active way that Jesus was doing. His example life is not called for by those who follow Mary.

11 – Not “Doing”

The way of Mary is not a “doing” so much as a way of “being.” This does not mean that doing will be absent from our brothers and sisters who follow Mary’s way, but their primary mode of living will be in relationships. They will not always be as known by our world as those who are actively doing. But they will not dwell in obscurity. As we fulfill the obligations and mission for which we live in the world, we will naturally move more toward being rather than doing.

12 – All

Eventually all will follow the way of Mary. This may be hard for us to understand at this time in our history, when there is so much that we perceive as “wrong” with this world. But as we all learn to “be” rather than to try (sometimes misguidedly) to “do,” then we will see that no change is lasting that does not include an internal change. This is a largely unexpressed but implicit tenet of Jesus in both A Course in Miracles and A Course of Love.

13 – Anchors

Both Jesus and Mary are anchors in this time of transition. Both ways–doing and being–are needed as we seek to bring to our world a new, transformed world.

14 – Acclaim

“This is not to say that those called to the way of Jesus will find acclaim and those called to the way of Mary will find obscurity. Many called to the way of Mary will ‘do’ much that is greatly desired in the world but what they do will be a byproduct of their way of being rather than a means of facilitating that way of being. (Dialogues of A Course of Love, Day 19)”

15 – In Relationship

So we live, first of all, in relationship when we are called to the way of Mary. And we may find acclaim, but it is no longer foremost to us, even when we are outside the realm of the ego. We don’t have to “do” to achieve our purpose in life; we just “are.”

16 – Way of Jesus

“Without those pursuing the way of Jesus, those pursuing the way of Mary would have a much more difficult task. There would be little space in which to anchor the new. Those following the way of Jesus create the openness of the spacious Selves who allow for the anchors of the new to be cast and thus to ride out the many storms of this time of transition. (Dialogues of A Course of Love, Day 19)”

17 – New Age

Those of the way of Jesus have paved the way for the new age, those who will follow in the way of Mary. Someone needed to actively work in the world to bring about change—by setting an example, and, earlier, by teaching and learning. Now those goals have been achieved, and many of the way of Mary have gained much from the accomplishment. Now the time is ripe for simply “being,” no longer out in the world creating a new order.

18 – New Order

Yet the way of Jesus, the new order, needed to be achieved, to give the Marys of the world a place to rest content. Now those of the way of Mary can walk serenely in a world that did not exist a few years ago. It exists now, for a few followers of Mary—and more followers of Mary will come in the years henceforth.

Prayer:

Dear Father/Mother,

I have spent most of my life “doing”–sometimes in a feverish pace. I am so relieved that Jesus does not ask me to “do” compulsively any longer. Thank You for the words that indicate that “being” in relationships is also a good thing. Help me to truly understand the way of Mary.

As I balance the way of Jesus–the doing–with the way of Mary–the being–may I have Your constant support. I cannot live well in this world without Your guidance every step of the way. Thank You.

Amen.