Vision

Did I take on too big a challenge in this lifetime?  Is that why I shade toward the serious?  Or is it just my ignominious narcissism coming into play?

I once saw a vision of my bad karma.  It was a woman with flashing eyes who gave me a knowing look and seemed to scream at me (though silently) that “her” intent was to “get mine” (i.e., get what “should” be coming to me in this life). 

Looking back, I remember that when I was a little girl, I didn’t want to be greedy (e.g., getting even “my share” of Easter eggs) nor to get “too much” for myself (I rarely told what I wanted for Christmas).  This suggests an attempt even as a child to deal with the “getting mine” that I recognized in the vision.  Fifteen years of denial in adult life followed that vision, and then the “ghost” seemed largely expiated.  There was never any question that I would selfishly seek my own “just desserts” instead of following what I perceived to be God’s will for me.  The set of my will was very strong because the love (however remote) that kept me on track was genuine.  And that has made all the difference.

Selfishness

“Nothing physical, mental, or spiritual should be used selfishly.” (ACIM, COA ed., T-1.18.5:1)

Today’s brief quotation is the final word on selfishness. And also the final word on physical relationships, for they are held in the same vein as mental and spiritual. We don’t have to fret and bend ourselves all out of shape. When we have considered carefully our actions, thoughts, words, we will know inwardly if we are being selfish.

Selfishness is, after all, a prime way that the ego manifests itself. If we can manifest unselfishness, we will be approaching the relinquishment of the ego, something that is the prime goal of A Course in Miracles.

The ego thinks that looking out for number one, to the detriment of number two, is a sensible thing to do. How wrong our ego really is! Looking out for number one, in the right vein, can help us to look out for number two, but only in a magnanimous way. We have to considerate of our brothers and sisters. This is fundamental. And if we crowd out their well-being with our own desire to be better than they, we are lost. This is competitiveness at its extreme, and we will find, as go along with Jesus’s channeled works, that cooperation is what he is asking of us. When we join with others, we are in a position to help everyone—us as well as them.

Dear God,

Guide me to give up selfishness in all its manifestations. The ego is so wily, so ready to reassert its presence with devious, cunning ways, that a new ego can be built on submissiveness very, very easily. I would not do this; keep me safe from this.

May this day be a time for sharing and joining with my brothers and sisters. May I keep my attitude heightened so that I am ready to join with them in loving embrace.

Amen.