Did I take on too big a challenge in this lifetime? Is that why I shade toward the serious? Or is it just my ignominious narcissism coming into play?
I once saw a vision of my bad karma. It was a woman with flashing eyes who gave me a knowing look and seemed to scream at me (though silently) that “her” intent was to “get mine” (i.e., get what “should” be coming to me in this life).
Looking back, I remember that when I was a little girl, I didn’t want to be greedy (e.g., getting even “my share” of Easter eggs) nor to get “too much” for myself (I rarely told what I wanted for Christmas). This suggests an attempt even as a child to deal with the “getting mine” that I recognized in the vision. Fifteen years of denial in adult life followed that vision, and then the “ghost” seemed largely expiated. There was never any question that I would selfishly seek my own “just desserts” instead of following what I perceived to be God’s will for me. The set of my will was very strong because the love (however remote) that kept me on track was genuine. And that has made all the difference.