Tag Archives: sex

Sexual Behavior that Is Not of Love, Is of Fear

“There is only one distinction that need be made: what comes of love and what comes of fear. All expressions of love are of maximal benefit to everyone. While you may, for a while yet, not see that all that are not expressions of love are expressions of fear, I assure you this is the case. Thus any behavior, including sexual behavior that is not of love, is of fear. All that comes of fear is nothing. What this means is that cause and effect are not influenced by what comes of fear.” (T3:19.8)

So love is everything and fear is nothing. If behavior is not of love, Jesus says that this behavior is based in fear. He specifically mentions sexual behavior, and we know that much of our sexual lives have heretofore been more or less a “secret” from God. Not really, but we like to think so. Jesus brings this secrecy out into the open, letting us know that we are not getting away with anything. Our fearful sexual behavior, that is, our sexual behavior that is not love-centered, is actually nothing. It doesn’t amount to anything in any substantial way. It is just a lesser way to spend time.

We are encouraged to let our actions and our behaviors come out of love always. Then we will have no reason to regret. We will be home free in sexual behavior, in particular.


“Sex was intended as an instrument for physical creation (see previous notes), to enable souls to embark on new chapters in their experience, and thus improve their records. The pencil was not an end in itself.” (ACIM, COA ed., T-1.46.4:1-2)

Jesus must take a dim view of our society, for we have long noted that our commercials, television programming, and movies are saturated with sex. Even we realize that we are getting it wrong.

Jesus says that sex is intended for physical creation (think babies) as well as to enable us to embark on new experiences that will improve our “records.” These records are the history of our soul’s experiences on earth, though Jesus never takes a stand for or against reincarnation (believing that it will limit our usefulness to others who both believe, or don’t believe, in reincarnation).

Jesus aptly uses a Freudian symbol when he says, “the pencil was not an end in itself.”

In the spirit of Jesus, how might we approach sex? It is a gift of the Creator, not meant for personal, selfish aggrandizement. A Course of Love, believed by many to be the “continuation” of ACIM that it proclaims itself to be, says that many may want more physical expression as we proceed along the way to God, but many may also wish less. There is no judgment either way. ACOL also has quite a lot to say about “use” of others, and certainly sex can use others. But that is a wrong purpose. Sex is neither glorified nor debased in Jesus’s view. He does note that the physical closeness that we try to have satisfy us will not actually do what we want; nothing can take the place of our closeness with God.

Jesus’s message is a positive, all-inclusive one. He accepts homosexuality, and bids individuals not to be frightened by what they don’t understand. Indeed, it is generally known that Bill, co-scribe with Helen of A Course in Miracles, was gay.

Love, wherever it is found, if it is genuine love and not taking from what belongs to another, is seen to be good and true.

Physical Relationships

“Heterosexual attitudes can be similarly distorted, but do contain a more natural potential. Sex relations are intended for having children. You have misunderstood sex, because you regard it as a way of establishing human contact for yourself. This has led to body-image problems.” (ACIM, COA ed., T-1.18.4:1-4)

Jesus’s statement here about the purpose of sex, being to have children, does not, to my mind, have to be all-inclusive. He is making a point here that he makes elsewhere in A Course in Miracles. We, in our ignorance, try to find in physical relationships the closeness that we crave. This sense of solace and comfort is actually not achievable in physical relationships.

Most of us can conclude that being close to a brother or sister helps us fulfill our need not to be alone, though. Yet many of us have been trying to find in sex the only fulfillment that we would have. And this is a misuse of a biological urge put in us by our Creator.

We have sought human contact in sex, of course, as Jesus says. We have idolized physical relationships in our culture. Sex is used to sell products every time we turn on television. And this is one of the ways that “body-image” problems arise, what Jesus is talking about here.

We would be wise to seek for our fulfillment in the eternal, not the all-too-often transience of human relationships, whether sexual or not. If we reach for the harmony, peace, joy, and serenity of loving our brothers and sisters, irrespective of our sexual attraction or lack thereof, we will be on the right track. We certainly are never asked by Jesus to give up sex. Our feelings for others are planted in us by God, and we would do well to practice a reverence for these feelings that will give us peace and joy.

Dear God,

Thank You for the gift of sex and physical closeness. May I never take it for granted, or seek in it a fulfillment that goes awry. Our urge for another as a means of fulfillment is blessed. When

I dedicate my unions to love itself, I am sure that I am on the right track.
Be with me today as I walk about the world of bodies. Let me not decide that a body is what I really want. The Self of the other is what I am seeking to experience.


Power, Fame, Money, Physical Pleasure = Meaningful to Body

“It takes great learning both to realize and to accept the fact that the world has nothing to give.  What can the sacrifice of nothing mean?  It cannot mean that you have less because of it.  There is no sacrifice in the world’s terms that does not involve the body.  Think a while about what the world calls sacrifice.  Power, fame, money, physical pleasure; who is the ‘hero’ to whom all these things belong?  Could they mean anything except to a body?  (M-13.2)”


Affirmation:  “I need sacrifice nothing.”


1 – The World Has Nothing to Offer

Most of us do not really yet believe that the world has nothing to offer.  We are still that much caught up in the ego.  As long as we are egocentric, we will seek for power, fame, physical pleasure.  But when the ego has withered, at least a little, we will instead seek the intangibles of God–the love, joy, peace, tranquility, calm, quiet.  And we can be happy in this world, so long as we are not chasing rainbows of materialism.  God wants our material needs satisfied also, but if we devote ourselves only to the material, we lose out on so much more.

2 – Happy Dreams the Holy Spirit Brings

And we do find in this world the “happy dreams the Holy Spirit brings” (from the Workbook).  The reason for the happy dreams is that we would be too terrified by the sudden appearance of Awakening.  A gentler dream needs to precede Awakening.  And so we are prepared carefully for the great blessing of Awakening.

3 – Patience

It does take great learning to accept these ideas.  And it takes patience to assimilate them.  Teachers must repeat their lessons until they are learned, and Jesus himself has set the precedent for this in the Text, when he said that nothing that we do or make, etc., creates our worth.  Our worth is given us by God.

4 – Heaven on Earth

So do we write off the world and escape into some otherworldly heaven?  I think not.  We can experience heaven on earth, but we have to meet the conditions, which involve an egoless experience.  So long as we are fueled by the ego, we will know vicissitudes of joy and sorrow in an alternating fashion.  And the guilt that the ego would drive us to would be hell indeed.  (Elsewhere the Text affirms that guilt is hell.)

5 – Values Will Change

We seek to enjoy God’s intangibles and to love our brothers and sisters (as well as ourselves, which is necessary for all love to proceed from us).  We do not need to sacrifice anything that is truly good.  Our values will change as we walk farther along the pathway to God.  And we will not seek the inferior values that all too often are present in this world.


Dear Father/Mother,

I am extremely grateful that, after studying A Course in Miracles for a long time, I can honestly say to You that the pleasures of this world do not mean as much to me as they once did.  I am not above wanting pleasures of this world, but it is more important to me to know Your peace, joy, harmony, and calm.  Thank You for walking with me far enough along the pathway to You that I have made this shift in my values.

May I be understanding if others do not share this concept.  It takes a long while to understand that this world does not really offer anything that is lasting, and only the lasting is the eternity that we all seek, whether we know it or not.  May my walk into eternity today include my brothers and sisters, and may I not make demands upon them that they are not yet ready to accommodate.